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COPYRIGHT DEPOSIT. 



THE 
CLERKS OF KITTERY 



A COMEDY 



IN SEVEN ACTS 



BY ARTHUR W. SANBORN 



BOSTON 
WALTER H. BAKER & CO. 



Copyright, igi2 
By Arthur W. Sanborn 

All rights reserved 



THE COLONIAL PRESS 
C. H. 8IMONDS & CO., BOSTON, TT. S. A. 

gCLD 3iu82 



THE CLERKS OF KITTERY 



Persons Represented 

Franklin Hale 1 

Flasher Marlin 1- Clerks at the Navy Yard. 

Tom Harney J 

Harney, Sr., a government official. 

Captain Titus, a sea-captain. 

Captain Lannon, a retired sea-captain. 

Peter, an old sailor. 

Rocket, a Portsmouth officer. 



Jenkins 1 ,^ ■ n- 
T r Maine ofjicers. 

Lag ASS E J -^ 



LucRETiA Wayne, a zindozu, daughter of Captain Lannon. 

Eunice, her daughter. 

LuELLA, her niece. 

Dolphin, wife of Peter. 

Nancy, wife of Captain Titus. 

Peggy, their daughter. 

Jane, housekeeper for Captain Lannon. 

Annette, a housemaid. 

A Clergyman, several Clerks, and others. 

Scene. — Portsmouth and Kittery. 



The Clerks of Kittery 

ACT I. 

Scene. — A party on the grounds of the Harneys, in Kittery. 
Enter Harney, Sr. and Captain Titus. 

Har. Sr. But wait! look over yonder where the town 
Lies like a tired swimmer on the shore 
Which stays the foot of Agamenticus. 
Now tell me, Captain, — • you have traveled wide — 
Is there a country pleasanter than this? 

Titus. I judge a landscape by the women in it. 

Har. Sr. Turn and judge this; here is our company. 

Titus. Truly, if home-bred, you may boast a little. 

Har. Sr. Such as you see, my friends and neighbors 
round. 
Some from the city and some visitors 
That with the goose fly north in summer time. 
I will acquaint you with them, one and all. 

Titus. If one is well enough, let one be all. 

Har. Sr. Have you a choice.^ 

Titus. Who are those passing? 

Har. Sr. Over there? 

Titus. Strolling together. 

Har. Sr. Oh, that's a widow. 

Here for the summer from Virginia; 
Her name, Lucretia Wayne; those by her side, 
Her daughter and her niece. 

Titus. Come on, then, let us pay our compliments. 
It is man's part to be magnanimous 
And soothe the wretched; we must comfort her. 

Har. Sr. Wait! they come this way. 

Titus. Remember now, a friend should boost a friend. 
We boys must give a hand to one another. 



2 THE CLERKS OF KITTERY 

We must all hang together, as the rake 
Said to the jury who were trying him. 

Har. Sr. I'll call you captain; she's a sailor's daughter. 

Titus. Who is the father.'' 

Har. Sr. Old Captain Lannon. 

Titus. I seem to know him — good roaring company. 

Har. Sr. As deaf as the deep sea. 

Titus. One virtue; has he more.'' 

Har. Sr. A temper all on fire. 

Titus. Those blessings run together — deaf and angry. 

Enter Lucretia, Eunice, and Luella. 

Har. Sr. A moment, Mrs. Wayne! I beg your leave 
To introduce my old friend, Captain Titus, 
A playmate of my youth; 'tis many years 
Between what was and is, but now I find him, 
What then he promised and is since become, 
A sailor full of honors. 

Titus. I reckon this the greatest. 

Luc. My father was a captain in his time. 
Here on the coast; perhaps you may have heard 
Of Captain Lannon, of the Pepperell. 

Titus. Who does not know him? The best man on the 
coast. 

Luc. It would delight him to be remembered so. 

Titus. And are these your daughters? 

Luc. My daughter Eunice, and my niece Luella. 
They are but young, not yet out of their books. 
To which they are very faithful. 

Titus. Now that is well. 

Let us progress, let youths surpass their elders. 

Luel. Consider, sir, you set a hopeless task. 

Luc. Luella! 

Titus. I protest, she speaks the truth. 

She has a copy unsurpassable. 

Luc. {To Harney.) You should have said he was a flat- 
terer. 

Har. Sr. I dare not say perfection can be flattered. 

Luc. Two against one! you second one another. 

Har. Sr. A just reproach! Captain, I'll break the odds 
And leave you matched; before you go to-night 



ACT FIRST 3 

I'll see you yet again, 

Titus. I'll bid you all good-bye. 

[Exit Harney, Sr. 

Luc. Your stay is brief, then, Captain? 

Titus. I trust my absence will be. 

Let me rest here, when I shall roam no more. 

Luc. Ah, but you love to wander. 

Titus. I may as well — who cares.'' 

Luc. Surely your friends do, Captain. 

Titus. Friendship! part of a title to a part. 
It can detain, but holds not. 

Luc. Some comfort yet. 

Titus. You who are fortunate may call it so. 

Luc. Alas! it is all I have. 

Titus. And yet you are contented? 

Luc. And yet I am resigned. 

Titus. And resignation, does it bring you rest? 

Luc. It is an easy conscience that brings rest. 

Titus. A saving merit; almost it persuades me 
To come and settle here. 

Luc. No place besides 

Seems half so happy, here where I was born 
And lived until my fortunes carried me 
Into Virginia many years ago. 
I love the Port, and every spring return 
To pass the summer at my father's home. 
You see it yonder, rising through the trees. 
Beyond the Harneys', nearest to the shore. 

Titus. There, to the left? 

Luc. Beyond it, on the knoll. 

A little further, on this rising ground. 
Affords a better view. [Exit Captain Titus and Lucretia. 

Luel. Eunice, wait here! 

Eun. Why not go with them? 

Luel. Why not stay here? 

Eun. Mother will be displeased. 

Luel. She has the captain; let him solace her. 
Look at him rolling yonder — what a hulk! 

Eun. He seems good-natured. 

Luel. So does your mother. 

They may deceive each other, but not me. 

Eun. I beg you not to speak so. 



4 THE CLERKS OF RITTERY 

Luel. Of whom? 

Eun. You know. 

Luel. I know you were ordained as spiritless, 
And quite as innocent, as a cosset lamb. 
Or a toy poodle in a silver chain; 
And such you must have seemed to every one, 
And I likewise, trailing your mother round, 
Close watched and guarded all the afternoon; 
Just to be looked at, stared at, and passed by, 
As if we were two milestones by the way. 

Eun. Luella, let us keep so far apart. 
You're too ill-natured for my neighborhood. [Exit. 

Luel. Eunice, come back! Plague on this tongue of mine! 

[She seats herself. 

Enter Hale. 

Hale. Crying, Luella ! 

Luel. Oh, the vexations of this cranky world! 

Hale. You wouldn't cry if you knew I was coming. 

Luel. I think I would, a little. 

Hale. To meet me! you don't mean it. 

Luel. No, to deceive my aunt. 

Hale. Capital! capital! But I say, Luella, 
You never will deceive me, will you.^ 

Luel. Could L'^ 

Hale. As easily, so easily! 

Luel. As often, so often! 

Hale. You shall retract it! 

Luel. Stop! I retract it. 

Oh, you abuse your opportunities. 

Hale. You challenged me. 

Luel. What if that aunt of mine 

Should happen on us now.^ 

Hale. In your behalf 

I'll face your aunt, and a giant, and two dragons, 

Luel. She is at least the equal of all those. 

Hale. I watched her strolling over toward the shore 
With her big friend; gone for an hour, at least. 

Luel. Look all around again. 

Hale. She's nowhere to be seen. 

Luel. I seem to feel her coming through the air. 



ACT FIRST 5 

Hale. Oh, my poor dove, are you so persecuted? 

Luel. Yes, persecuted, all but plagued to death 
With admonitions; she stands over me 
And cries aloud. Beware of that young man! 
He has a very evil countenance^ 
And saucy manners, like a rogue I sa:u 
Led off to prison once for forgery. 
Send him azvay! You are a schoolgirl yet, 
A silly creature, not in years sufficient 
To wrestle wisely with the grey old world. 
So mind your gra^nmar and your lexicon. 
And study hard, and never turn your eyes. 
And then I answer her, // / must wait 
Till I know all Miss Wisdom ought to know 
ril never live to make a husband wretched. 

Hale. Myself, you mean. 

Luel. It may be, if I see 

No other man before I marry you. 

Hale. I'll trust your aunt for that. 

Luel. What if I run away? 

Hale. Oh, that's the word, Luella! 

Luel. No, not a word to any one. 

Hale. Not me? 

Luel. Why you? I'll leave you sleeping with the rest. 

Hale. If I believed you I would never sleep. 

Luel. Lord, you will fall asleep this blessed night, 
Even while protesting that you are awake. 

Hale. You think me sleepy? Play a waking match. 

Luel. Yes, at a distance — not a kissing match. 

Hale. Come back, Luella; running is not play. 

Luel. I say it is, and fair play, too, at that. 

Hale. Oh, two at that! 'tis you and I together. 

Luel. 'Tis I alone, and my aunt following. 

Hale. Not three, Luella? 

Luel. Third is grandfather. 

Hale. Then I come fourth, trump all, and take — 

Luel. My aunt! 

Hale. How's that? 

Luel. The fourth is partner to the second. 

Hale. No more of that game; we shall play another. 

Luel. Well, then, propose another. 

Hale. I proposed once. 



6 THE CLERKS OF KITTERY 

Luel. And I refused you. 

Hale. You accepted me. 

Luel. No — when was that? 

Hale. Last Tuesday, in the lane. 

I whispered, Will you? and you sighed, / zvill. 
And in my heaven the star of hope appeared. 
And the lone cry of ages called again. 

Luel. It was my aunt — she called and called again. 

Hale. Do you deny it.'' 

Luel. I don't remember it. 

Hale. 'Twas the fifth time; you must remember it. 

Luel. Could I forget four, and remember one.'' 

Hale. 'Tis my belief you could forget a dozen, 
And me too, in an hour. 

Luel. Forget thirteen! 

That's an unlucky number to forget. 

Hale. All numbers are unlucky to the luckless. 

Luel. What is the remedy? Curse your luck, and die? 

Hale. Tell me, Luella, will you run away? 

Luel. Yes, with my grandfather. 

Hale. With me, Luella? 

Luel. Yes, with you. 

Hale. Do you mean it? 

Luel. I should like it. 

You would be company for grandfather. 

Hale. Luella, shall I tell why you were born? 

Luel. Yes, tell my aunt; she often wonders why. 

Hale. You were born, Luella, — 

Luel. I was, no doubt of that; I feel it in me. 

Hale. To set my soul eternally on fire 
And burn it at both ends. 

Luel. Now shall I tell you 

Shortly, why you were born? 

Hale. I know too well. 

Luel. To set cigars eternally on fire, 
And burn them at one end. 

Hale. I'll burn no more. 

Luel. Then I'll do likewise, I'll burn you no more. 

Hale. If not myself, then others, probably. 

Luel. I'll be an old maid, with a cat named Franklin. 

Hale. Pity the cat; the name will famish him. 

Luel. I mean to use him well. 



ACT FIRST 7 

Hale. And stroke him backward. 

Tis something yet, your cat named after me. 

Luel. What! after you? No, after Benjamin. 

Hale. That is my fate, remembered not at all. 

Luel. Oh, you forget! I have your photograph. 

Hale. Look! here I hold you — in this likeness blest. 

Luel. Over your heart! ah me! 'tis pitiable. 

Hale. And mine, Luella, tell me where you keep it. 

Luel. Spare my confession. 

Hale. No, you must confess. 

Luel. Truly, I cannot tell. 

Hale. Why not, Luella.? 

Luel. I have forgotten, 'tis so long ago. 

Hale. You never think of me. 

Luel. I may, in time. 

Hale. What time, Luella.? 

Luel. Time — there's oceans of it. 

Hale. Ay, like an ocean 'tis — time! time! Luella, 
We trifle with it at its running out, 
And it o'erwhelms us when it rushes in. 
It is our best friend, and our enemy. 
Our opportunity, and our remorse. 
Our life, our death, beginning, and our end. 
Even while we grasp it, it is vanishing. 
A few weeks more, and you are snatched away 
Into Virginia; when once we part 
Who knows if ever we shall meet again.? 
A thousand chances lie between us then, 
A thousand fears, a thousand restless arms 
Seem struggling to dissever heart from heart. 
Something will happen — you, perhaps, will die — 
I, probably — surely your grandfather — 
The place sold — Kittery a memory — 
Myself forgotten — 

Luel. All the cunners caught — 

And life one sad bewildered pilgrimage. 

Hale. Without you, yes. 

Luel. And with me, what? 

Hale. Try it, Luella. 

Luel. Try it? For what crime.^ 

Hale. Listen, Luella — time, it ebbs away — 
Will you be married? I can manage It. 



S THE CLERKS OF KlTl^ERY 

Luel. Yes — to whom ? 

Hale. I'll provide the husband. 

Luel. Give me an old man, one just striking twelve. 

Hale. I shall be old in care, if not in years. 

Luel. Oh, to be old, and have no guardian! 

Hale. A guardian no longer, I'll be sworn. 
I'll rather stand in persecution's path 
Than let it pass to you; what need of that.'* 
There is a justice in St. Johnsbury 
Will take our fee, a wise, incurious man. 

Luel. I am chained here, not in St. Johnsbury. 

Hale. I will unchain you. 

Luel. How? And when.'' And where? 

Hale. Look now, how easily it may be done. 
When next your aunt goes shopping into town 
Counterfeit illness and remain at home. 
Then send a message; I will hasten down, 
And both together we will slip away 
Over the border, to Ontario. 

Luel. And aunt Lucretia, where will she be slipping? 

Hale. Into good humor, I profoundly hope. 

Luel. That would be slipping uphill, against nature. 

Hale. Then, if she follows, we can shift our feet 
Into some other state, and settle there. 
There's other villages than Kittery, 
And other rivers than Piscataqua, 
And other paymasters than government. 
Away with care! Up with the wedding dance! 
We'll take the Lakes in, and Niagara, 
And stand beneath the cataract and watch 
That king of torrents swelling o'er the bank 
Of Erie, where the cloud of water falls. 

Luel. Suppose I, with a wife's perversity. 
Prefer to stand above. 

Hale. Then both will stand above, 

Or here, or there, or anywhere you will. 
Waking or sleeping I shall always seem 
To stand upon some precipice's edge, 
Until the ritual makes you surely mine. 

Luel. And that will constitute the falling over. 

Hale. Come, let me tell you what it constitutes. 

Luc. {Without.) Luella! 



ACT FIRST 9 

Hale. Now I have done it! Tell me, will you go? 
Luel. I'll go. 

Enter Captain Titus and Lucretia. 

Luc. Come here, Luella! 
Young man, are you the father of my niece? 

Hale. Are you the mother? 

Luc. And saucy, too! 

Titus. Sir, you had better keep a civil tongue. 

Hale. We learn civility from those who have it. 

Titus. Do you intend an insult? 

Hale. Would you perceive one if it was intended? 

Luel. Please leave me, Frank. 

Titus. Go, sir, go! 

Hale. I take my leave. 

Luel. Have you forgotten how? 

[They embrace. Exit Hale. 

Titus. Oh, that I had him in some place apart! 
Then I would teach him manners. 

Luc. Captain, I thank you; I thank providence 
You spared him chastisement, though well deserved. 
That is a desperate, villainous young man, 
And doubtless armed; he would have murdered you. 
He persecutes my niece, and worries her 
With his attentions, and he worries me. 
If you will offer us the courtesy 
Of your protection, we will take our leave. 
Louis, I see, is waiting in the lane. 

Enter Harney, Sr., Tom Harney, and Marlin. 

Titus. I'll land you safe aboard. 

Har. Sr. Not going yet, I hope. 

Luc. I fear I must. I thank you for us all. 
And pray give my excuses to your wife. 
Her kindness will forgive us. 

Har. Sr. Come, this will never do; persuade her. Cap- 
tain. 

Titus. Well, she has been insulted. 

Luc. Oh, nothing, sir; a certain wild young man 
Has made himself unpleasant to my niece. 



10 THE CLERKS OF KITTERY 

Luel. No, not to me; to my aunt, if you please. 

Har. Sr. Bravely, Luella! stand for your own, my girl! 

Luc. I beg you, let it pass; 'tis nothing, truly. 
We must return; the captain is not well. 
My presence he requires, if not myself. 
And Captain Titus, in my father's name 
I tender you his hospitality. 
Our door is open to you. 

Titus. Oh, kindness, kindness! 

If time allows I'll pay a passing call. 

Luc. Come, girls, we must be going. 

Har. Sr. No, no, young men! 

Enough adventures; there's no trusting you. 
I'm old and steady, like the parson's horse. 
I claim them both, yes, and I take them, too. 

Har. Good-bye, Eunice! 

Eun. Good-bye! 

Har. Good-bye, Luella! 

Luel. We must be going to the dovecote now. 

[Exit all except Tom Harney and Marlin. 

Mar. Who was it.^ Do you know.^* 

Har. Who should it be but that shy mate of yours? 

Mar. The very man of all it couldn't be. 

Har. Why not.^" 

Mar. He hardly knows her. 

Har. Much better he knows her than you know him. 

Mar. You dream; I know him as I know myself. 
We two are cronies and as intimate 
As an old vintage ten years in the wood. 
I tell him everything, and he tells me all, 
And if he did not I could trace it out 
As easily as carrying the journal 
Into the ledger, he's so unreserved. 
He hardly knows Luella, or she him. 
He hardly would attract her, or she him. 
When he goes angling for his future wife 
He will hook on to some compliant perch 
In the still water, not that leaping bass. 
He's not the fellow who was courting her. 

Har. Of course you know it all — except the truth. 

Mar. What will you venture, to back up your truth? 

Har. I'll stand behind it; make it what you will. 



ACT FIRST II 

Mar. I called you; what's the wager? 

Har. Five. 

Mar. No — ten. 

Har. Done; how to be decided? 

Mar. How, but to ask him. 

Har. He will deny it. 

Mar. Certain, he will deny it. 

Har. Join in a stratagem; give me your pledge. 

Mar. What is your stratagem? What kind of pledge? 

Har. Your word of honor not to tip him off. 

Mar. Oh, just my honor! I thought it was my watch. 
If you can credit me financially, 
The rest is easy; I'll put my honor up. 

Har. Have you a stray form, or memorandum leaf? 

Mar. Not I — the other parties, they keep that. 
But here's the blank half of a letter sheet. 
The other half — ah! is my soul my own? — 
The hand which wrote it crossed it with her t's. 

Har. Come, my philander, fold this paper up 
Into a love note, an alluring one. 

Mar. They fold it this way, and then fold it that. 
Now there you have it, a three-cornered smile. 

Har. We have our bait; where shall we find our fish? 

Mar. There, if you want him, standing in the crowd. 

Har. He may have seen us. 

Mar. No, his back was turned. 

Har. Contrive some pretext, then, to call him over, 
And hold him here awhile till I return. 

Mar. So you play that part. 

Har. I play third hand high. [Exit. 

Mar. There'' s a land beyond the sea, 

And a light upon the lee. 
And a heart that's zvaiting me. 
All alone. 
Hello, Frank! hello! 

Haste my keel upon the deep. 
While the stormy billozvs szueep. 
And my thoughts their vigil keep. 
All alone. 

Enter Hale. 



12 THE CLERKS OF KITTERY 

Hale. What is it, Flasher? 

Mar. Shall we go gigging on the shoals to-morrow? 

Hale. I find the land a better fishing ground. 

Mar. How for a quiet run beyond the Point? 

Hale. If you want quiet why not stay at home? 

Mar. Let it be so; a corking dinner then. 

Hale. Always a dinner! a life in six courses. 

Mar. You never miss the last one. 

Hale. Say, what has happened? Is the world afire? 
Harney is hurrying. 

Enter Harney. 

Hello! where's the bear? 

Har. A message from Luellal a note! a note! 

Hale. A note! and from Luella! what! already! 

Har. It's just to set the date. 

Hale. For our elopement? 

Har. Easy! not so loud! 

Hale. Then she has told you. 

Har. I know it all. 

Mar. And I — I know it all. 

Hale. Is this the letter? Why, there's nothing in it. 

Har. Impossible! Look in it with the other eye. 

Hale. It is as empty as last year's robin's nest. 

Mar. Or Halloween pumpkins, or as lovers' skulls. 

Hale. Harney, you villain! it's a counterfeit! 
Oh, laugh away; talce time to brace yourself, 
And roar again; I like it, I enjoy it. 

Mar. Franklin, you may enjoy it, but not I. 
When you fell down you fell upon your friend. 
Who was an ass to go stand under you. 
Good God, man, where was your intelligence? 
Where's the sagacity you might have learned 
In my society? Where's all your sense? 
A head to bet on! One to butt on, rather. 
Ten dollars wasted, which I might have turned 
Into a thousand, betting on myself; 
And forfeited moreover to a man 
Almost your double for simplicity. 
Why is it wisdom always has lean luck, 
And foolishness grows fat? 



ACT FIRST 13 

Hale. Flasher, contain yourself. 

Why did you bet on me, and then betray me? 

Mar. Why did I bet on you? Oh yes, why did I? 

Hale. How could I know a man would be so blind 
To shoot his own decoy? 

Har. I claim the bird. 

Mar. Only a tame goose, by his own confession. 

Hale. I yield myself a prize, at your disposal. 

Har. Give us your confidence and we will keep it. 
Refuse it, and we send the laugh along. 

Mar. Yes, that would serve you well, deceiving us 
Who are your friends; confound your secrecy. 

Har. What will you have us, friends or enemies? 

Mar. Shall we push on your side or on the other? 

Har. Oh, an elopement! 

Mar. Stop! a runaway! 

Hale. Let us be friends; you shall know everything. 

Har. Consider, Frank, her aunt is guardian, 
And she is under age. 

Hale. A trifle, I confess. 

Mar. Perish the statutes! down with guardians! 
Fm with you to the finish. 

Har. Hold there, now. 

Take counsel, Frank; turn back your foot and wait. 

Hale. V\\ wait no longer; I am pledged and bound. 

Mar. Go on, Fll back you; down with guardians! 

Har. He gives ill counsel who advises none. 

Mar. He needs no counsel; what he needs is friends. 

Har. So friends are known, by good or bad advice. 

Mar. So judge me; my advice is, go to-night. 

Hale. Impossible. 

Mar. Then make it possible. 

Hale. No, no, we must delay. 

Mar. Then you have lost her. 

They run on wheels. I an appointment made 
To meet one, only last night, on a corner. 
I was delayed, and found her on another, 
There flirting with my deadliest enemy. 

Har. Flasher, enough! Sit here and talk It over. 

Mar. Not here; that crowd is coming. 

Har. Draw aside leisurely and let them pass. 

Voices. {Without.) Flasher! Flasher Marlin! 



14 THE CLERKS OF KITTERY 

Hale. Remember, Flasher, not a word of that! 

Mar. Not a word! [Exit Hale and Harney. 

Enter several Clerks, Girls and other guests. 

I CI. Flasher, we want you here. 

I Girl. Remember, Flasher, not a word of that. 
Pray, not a word of what? 

Mar. It is a secret; seek to know no more. 
Death guards it, darkness hides it. 

1 CI. It -needs a better guard than Flasher is, 
Or death will lose it. 

2 CI. How long will darkness hide it? 

3 CI. Not long, I guess; Flasher will pull it out 
To prove that it is there. 

2 CI. Shall we extract it.f* 

I CI. Tush! it is nothing, not worth working for. 

[Exit all except Marlin and several Girls. 

1 Girl. Tell us the secret, please. 
Mar. It wouldn't be a secret if I told it. 

2 Girl. Is it your own.? 

Mar. If it was only mine 

You girls should have it, or my inmost heart, 
Or head, or anything. 

1 Girl. Whose is it? Franklin Hale's? 
Mar. You heard him say it. 

3 Girl. Does it concern himself? 
Mar. Partly. 

2 Girl. And some one else? 

Mar. Partly. 

2 Girl. A man? 
Mar. No. 

1 Girl. A woman? 

3 Girl. Luella? 

2 Girl. Oh, he does not deny it! 'tis Luella! 
Mar. Hush! not a word — remember! 

1 Girl. Her aunt is guardian; she would not consent. 
Mar. Who cares for guardians? Down with guardians! 

2 Girl. Oh, an elopement? 

3 Girl. It's a runaway! 
Mar. Zounds! you have guessed it. 

All. Oh, we have guessed it! we have guessed it! 



ACT FIRST 15 

4 Girl. When are they going? 

Mar. I can tell no more. 

1 Girl. Why not? 

Mar. I know no more. 

2 Girl. Do they? 
Mar. Not yet decided. 

I Girl. Well, this is something. 

Mar. Now keep it to yourselves. 

^11. Oh, we shall keep it. 

Mar. Remember, not a word! 

All. Not a word! not a word! 

[Exit all. 



ACT II. 

Scene. — Portsmouth ; the Parade, near midnight. 

Enter Nancy and Peggy. 

Peg. I'm sleepy, ma. 

Nan. Sit down beside the steps; you can sleep there 
well enough. 

Peg. Ain't we never going to bed, ma? 

Nan. Never till I find him. 

Peg. What makes you think he will come here any 



more 



Nan. They say he left without his valise; he must come 
back to it sometime. Oh, let me lay hands on him once! 
Then let him desert me again if he can. 

Enter Rocket. 

Rock. What are you doing here? 

Nan. Waiting for my husband. 

Rock. I know you; you belong in Kittery. 

Nan. I should like to see you try to put me there. I'm 
a decent woman and doing no harm to anyone. 

Rock. And why not put you there? 

Nan. It's the cooler, ain't it? 

Rock. I see your face now — a stranger. 

Nan. I have come a long way, sir, to find my husband. 

Rock. Then move on and keep moving; no loitering on 
this corner. [Exit. 

Nan. Get up and come over opposite, Peggy; let him 
have his corner; I can watch down the street as well there as 
here. 

Peg. I'm cold. 

Nan. {Shaking her.) Will that warm you? 

Peg. Oh, you're a-shaking me to death, ma! you're 
a-killing me! 



ACT SECOND 17 

Nan. Plague on the little imp! You whine so much like 
your father I could shake your heart out. Come along here! 
Hark! do you hear something? 

Peg. There's a big man coming. 

Nan. Oh, my long watch is over! I see him! I see him! 

Enter Captain Titus. 

Titus. Oho! Oho! 

He just zviggled the zvheel. 
And he says with a squeal. 
Oho, ho., ho! Oho! 

Nan. I've got you. 

Titus. Help! murder! help! 

Nan. I'll help you, and I'll help you, and I'll murder you, 
too, you old rascal. You'll desert your v/ife and child, will 
you? You'll sneak off and leave them without a dollar, will 
you? Oh, I know you of old, I fly low for you, and I have 
you by the neck, you villain! 

Titus. Let go o' me, Nancy! 

Peg. Oh, let go o' him, ma! 

Titus. Pull her by the hair, Peggy — there's good girl. 

Peg. Oh, I dassn't! 

Nan. You'll run, if I let go. 

Titus. Never b'lieved in running, Nancy; b'lieve in 
standing. 

Nan. You're drunk! 

Titus. No, no, no, not drunk; can box the compass back- 
v/ards — sou'sou'east — - sou'east — ■ sou'sou'west — souse 
west — souse wet — souse wet? — come in out of the rain, 
Nancy — sober as an owl. 

Nayi. Give me money. 

Titus. Ha, ha! money! 

Nan. I'll have it out of you; come, I'll have it out of you. 

Titus. Can't dig clams at high tide, Nancy. 

Nan. Where's the insurance you got on the Palmetto? 

Titus. All burned up — poor old Palmetto. 

Nan. And you know who burned her up; and I know who 
burned her up; yes, and I'll tell who burned her up. 

Titus. Not so loud, Nancy — only two of us. 

Nan. It was twelve thousand and you had your 
share. 



i8 THE CLERKS OF KITTERY 

Titus. No, no, no, not an owner — by and by shall have 
a thousand. 

Nan. What — promises? 

Titus. No, no, no, thousand dollars - — thousands and 
thousands and thousands coming on the cargo. 

Nan. They won't pay. I see it in the papers. 

Titus. Must pay. 

Nan. I'll have it now. 

Titus. Who told where to dig me up, Nancy.'' 

Nan. I knew you would come back to your old hole. 

Titus. Never come back to old hole again — make a 
new hole. 

Nan. Yes, I believe you, I know I shall never see you 
again if I lose you now. My last dollar is gone, following 
you here from St. Louis. Look at what I'm wasted to! look 
at the tatters I'm clothed in! I would have fainted long ago, 
but God knows I have toiled enough to make me muscles of 
iron. And now do you think I shall be put off, and put off, 
and let you sneak clean away again.'' I'll sell you first, curse 
you! I'll see you in jail first and be rid of you! Oh, you 
can't wriggle away! you can't pull away! you can't pull 
away! I'll scream till I wake the whole city; I'll hold on 
till the cop comes; I'll — 

[Titus knocks her down and runs out. 

Peg. Oh, you killed her! you killed her! [Exit. 

Enter several Citizens. 

1 Cit. Did you hear a screaming? 

2 Cit. It was this way somewhere. 

3 Cit. Here! here! a woman in the street. 
I Cit. Dead, or drunk? 

3 Cit. Dead drunk. 

Enter Rocket. 

Rock. Where was all that screaming? 

3 Cit. Here's a woman down. Rocket. 

Rock. Is she hurt? 

3 Cit. The serpent has stung her. 

Rock. Come, rouse yourself! stand up here, woman. 

Nan. You hurt me. Where is my husband? 



ACT SECOND 19 

Rock. Do you see him anywhere? 

Nan. I see nothing. 

Rock. Come with me; you shall see something. 

Nan. You won't arrest an innocent woman, will you? 

Rock. It's a way we have. 

Nan. Say, wait a minute and I'll tell you something — 

there's a reward in it. 

Rock. You can talk as you go; step quicker, now; jog 
along. [Exit all. 

Enter Captain Titus, running. 

Titus. Oh — ho — ho — winded — broken — burst! 
Well, there's a mile between us anyway — all the way round 
corners, too — follow that if they can. Let me see — let me 
see — where am I? That must be west where sun is rising. 
Or is it street lamp? Poor old Cap'n Titus, must begin to 
wear glasses — if I had two or three now would fill me up 
and steady me a little. 

Enter Peggy, running. 

Peg. Pa! 

Titus. Thunder! what was that? 
Peg. Oh pa! what made you run so fast? 
Titus. Go back to your mother — go back! go back! 
Peg. I'm afraid! 

Titus. Nothing to catch you — run along — run — run! 
Peg. She's cross. 
Titus. Look a' me — I'm crosser! 
Peg. You make me laugh. 

Titus. Hang 'em all! No keeping 'em — no driving 'em 
— no 'scaping 'em. 
Peg. Let me whisper you something. 
Titus. Speak it out — no one here. 
Peg. Ain't it an awful thing to steal? 
Titus. Commonest thing in the world, Peggy. 
Peg. I stole a loaf of bread; do you think they will 'rest 



me 



Titus. Not if you go back to your mother. Hurry up! 
run 'long! 

Peg. I'm never going back to her any more. I'll scream 



20 THE CLERKS OF KITTERY 

till I wake every one; I'll hold on till the cop comes; 
I'll — 

Titus. Just like your mother! Why will mothers set 
bad 'samples to their children? Where do you think I can 
stow you? 

Peg. I can stow anywhere. 

Titus. I'm visiting lady sou'sou'west of here, but I don't 
want you — they don't want you — no one wants you. 
Strange no one should want anything. Why don't you wear 
better clothes? I'm 'shamed of you. 

Peg. Where could I get 'em? 

Titus. Might buy you some. 

Peg. Please buy me some. 

Titus. Or might take you 'long for little beggar that fol- 
lowed me. 

Peg. I rather be something else. 

Titus. You got no common sense, little girl. 

Peg. I don't know what that is. 

Titus. Don't know what little girl is? Little girl is little 
nuisance. 

Peg. Take me as a beggar, then. 

Titus. Mind you, no more holding on — no more scream- 
ing — no more mother's ways. Must copy father hereafter 
— ■ must be very quiet and sober. 

Peg. I'll be just like you, pa. 

Titus. People always asking questions; what you going 
to answer? 

Peg. What shall I answer? 

Titus. Say, I don't know — just that, I don't know; you 
understand that? 

Peg. I don't know. 

Titus. Well, Peggy, I don't know either, but there are 
good men who do. God loves cheerful giver — blessed is he 
that deceiveth — give and shall be given unto you. Any man 
must be good man who has good mottoes. Any man must 
be good man who tows little girl 'long after him. Too good! 
too good! must cry, Peggy — good men must suffer. 
Look all round everywhere and try to find sou'sou'west — 
my eyes too wet. 

Peg. What is sou'sou'west? 

Titus. It's nor'nor'east. Cunning man, your father, 
Peggy — married young — long 'sperience; have business 



ACT SECOND 21 

down the street — walk up it; have 'pointment upstairs — 
ring basement; north is south — east is west; everything 
opposite — wife always watching. Now find nor'nor'east, 
Peggy — forgot my glasses. 

Peg. O pa! this is right where we were before! There's 
where we came in, and there's where you came in, and 
there's where we went out, and there's where we came in 
again. 

Titus. Quick! quick! Peggy — where can we run.f" 
Ain't there anywhere they ain't? 

Peg. Run this way. 

Titus. Faster, faster, or they catch usl {Exit all. 



ACT III. 

Scene. — J room in Captain Lannon's house. 
Enter Jane, with the mail. 
Jane. Peggy! Peggy! where are ye? Peggy! 
Enter Peggy. 

Peg. Here I am, Miss Jane. 

Jane. How often must you be told to hurry when you're 
called.^ 

Peg. I was helping Annette. 

Jane. What is the world coming to when every girl one 
hires for help expects a helper.'' Have you remembered your 
name yet? 

Peg. I don't know. 

Jane. Nor your mother's? 

Peg. I don't know. 

Jane. Nor your father's? 

Peg. I don't know. 

Jane. Well, it is time some one knew; this is a respectable 
family; let the others shift as they will, I have a reputation 
under this roof and I say it shall harbor no child without a 
name no longer. No, be still; there's no need of crying, 
neither. I mean well by ye; I have taken such a liking to 
you I can almost tolerate ye; but not the man who brought 
you here. He's no better than he should be, to my way of 
thinking; if he had his deserts he might be a beggar himself 
instead of fathering beggars on others. Think again; if 
you ever had a name try to remember it. 

Peg. I don't know. 

Jane. If I let you take my own name people would laugh. 
Men are mostly leavings, Peggy; they will talk about women 
they dare not talk to, and it's no part of common sense to 



ACT THIRD 23 

give liars a rail to sit on; all fish is pollock when it's boiled. 
Once more, the last time, can you remember who you are? 

Peg. I don't know. 

Jane. I name you Simmons — remember that, Simmons 
— after my aunt Saphrony Simmons, who left all her money 
to a hospital for dogs; so if you go wrong and drag that 
name in the mire it makes no difference. 

Peg. I shall be very good, Miss Jane. 

Jane. I surmise you will, as long as you are under my 
supervision; if any bad principles is seated in ye they will 
get jarred if they rise in my presence. Tell me who you 
are. 

Peg. Peggy Simmons. 

Jane. Now run upstairs lively and give this Marine 
Journal to the cap'n; tell him it came last night. 

Peg. Which cap'n, please? 

Jane. There is only one cap'n in this house and that is 
the master of it; the other may be a cap'n elsewhere, as he 
says; I have my doubts if he ever sailed so much as a cod 
banker. There's a letter for him. 

Peg. I hear him coming. 

Jane. Let him wait his turn; go — carry the paper first; 
run along. [Exit Peggy. 

Enter Captain Titus. 

Titus. Good morning, my good woman. 

Jane. I hope I am a good woman, but m/ character can 
stand without a recommendation, thank you. 

Titus. I am looking for a letter this morning. 

Jane. I sent it to you by the little girl you was pleased 
to bestow on us. 

Titus. Where is she? 

Jane. Maybe she is following you; that seems to be her 
business. [Exit. 

Enter Peggy. 

Peg. Here's a letter for you, pa. 

Titus. Hush! take care! 

Peg. No one is moving on this side of the house. 

Titus. Who saw this letter, Peggy? 



24 THE CLERKS OF KITTERY 

Peg. No one but Jane; she sorts the mail. 

Titus. Did she hold it close or take a long look at it? 

Peg. She just threw it at me. 

Titus. It's well she missed the postmark. 

Peg. Do I belong to old Jane.'' 

Titus. {Reading.) An indictment — ha! 

Peg. Annette she says I belong to her. 

Titus. They suspect your whereabouts. 

Peg. I wait on 'em all. 

Titiis. No further communication. 

Peg. And the old man besides. 

Titus. No remittance — the rascal! not a dollar! 

Peg. I do 'most everything. 

Titus. I'll do it! go hang, I'll do it! 

Peg. What is it, pa.^* 

Titus. You know the chamber where the cap'n sleeps.? 

Peg. Sure I know it. 

Titus. In it there is a closet; in the closet 
An old sea chest, the cover clinched with brass, 
And studded with a schooner under sail. 

Peg. It's locked. 

Titus. How do you know.'' 

Peg. I know everything 'round this house. 

Titus. You know a powder-horn hanging by the wall.'' 

Peg. I tried to blow it. 

Titus. The key is in it; watch your chance slyly. 
Unlock the chest and take a package out, 
A long one, in a yellow envelope. 
Marked coupon fours — like this, coupon 4s. 

Peg. And lock the chest again.'' 

Titus. You catch quickly; bring me the packet 

Peg. Where.'' 

Titus. In my chamber. 

Peg. Now? 

Titus. Be quick, but careful; wait, and watch your 
chance. [Exit Peggy. 

{He reads fro in the letter.) 
I have word from New Orleans that an indictment has been 
found against you. There's a suspicion of your whereabouts. 
Expect no further communication. 
The devil's own luck! just settled and stretched out 
In a warm corner, when down comes the roof. 



ACT THIRD 25 

I stand indicted; well, if I must go, 

I will not go unfeathered from this nest. 

Oh, with the widow gaily would I fly, 

Had not necessity so crabbed my time; 

For I have had soft words, and tender looks, 

And faint rejection, yes, in seven days' space, 

A half avowal and much coquetry. 

He who has part may he not hope for all? 

May he who begs the interest off a debt 

Not beg the debt, too, if he has the wit? 

In one short day great battles have been won. 

How much more easily a woman's heart! 

Captain, be bold. Hark! I hear some one stirring. 

What shall I say? What story shall I tell? 

Enter Lucretia. 

Luc. So early. Captain! no ill luck, I hope. 

Titus. This is the first time good luck ever grieved me. 

Luc. Good luck and grief! they hardly mate together. 

Titus. Good luck may bring grief, if it be neglected. 

Luc. Do not neglect it. Captain; hold it fast. 

Titus. Shall I disclose it? I am summoned West. 

Luc. On what occasion, may I be bold to ask? 

Titus. A claim of mine, long pending in the courts 
In San Francisco, where the action lies. 
Is called for trial, so my lawyers say. 
And I am summoned to the witness stand. 
It is a fortune, and my only one. 
Which has been spun around in admiralty, 
In a small circle fast diminishing. 
I must be near it, watch it, and stand by it, 
Or they will shift my credit into debit, 
And counsel in suit will be suing me. 
That is the good news with the ill face on it, 
Which I dislike, yet welcome. 

Luc. I am sorry you part from us. 

Titus. Must it be so? 

Luc. Why, Captain, you say it must. 

Titus. Lucretia, 

Why should we ever part? 

Luc. That is your choice, it seems. 



26 THE CLERKS OF KITTERY 

Titus. This Is my choice, Lucretla. [He embraces her. 

Luc. Captain! Captain! I shall scream! 

Titus. Scream if you must, but kiss me first. 

Luc. No, never! 

Titus. Then I will kiss you first. 

Luc. Captain, if you were kind and truly loved me, 
You would release me now and let me go. 
I pity you, I pity any man, 
Who supplicates an unresponsive heart 
And pleads in vain. 

Titus. Kiss me and you shall go. 

Luc. No other way.f* 

Titus. No other terms whatever. 

Luc. Have mercy on me. Captain. 

Titus. No mercy to the merciless, no quarter. 

Luc. In friendship, then, one good-bye kiss. 

Titus. Friendship is love's beginning, not the end. 

Luc. A warm beginning forecasts a cold end. 

Titus. I'll disprove that; can you imagine how.'' 

Luc. I cannot guess. 

Titus. By marrying you to-day. 

Luc. Oh, no, no, never! 

Titus. Say, then, when shall it be? 

Luc. I promise nothing; yet, if you are true, 
And loving constant, you may ask again 
A year from now. 

Titus. A year! an age! 

Luc. The very least. 

Titus. Come, we will compromise; call it to-morrow. 

Luc. I paid my ransom. Captain; let me go. 

Titus. You paid and I released you — from that arm. 

Luc. What benefit.'' You hold me with the other. 

Titus. Always, Lucretia, with one or the other. 

Luc. I cannot trust you; you have broken faith. 

Titus. I hold you now upon another charge. 

Luc. Not guilty. Captain. 

Titus. Give the countersign. 

Luc. I never heard it. 

Titus. To-morrow. 

Luc. Why to-morrow.^ 

Titus. To-morrow I must go, and so must you. 
You see yourself I cannot move without you. 



ACT THIRD 27 

Luc. Why do you drive me so? 

Titus. I drive because I'm driven. 

Luc. Suppose you leave me, could you not return? 

Titus. Suppose I did return, could you not leave me? 
No, no, Lucretia, I am not the man 
To leave my purse upon a traveled way, 
In the fond hope of finding it again. 
You are my riches; I possess you aow; 
I hold you fast, and happy shall I be; 
But if I leave you, whom all men desire, — 

Luc. Oh, fie, Captain! 

Titles. 'Tis so, by heaven! all men must desire you. 

Luc. If some men say so, should I so believe? 

Titus. Ha! you confess it; others tell you so. 

Luc. I have forgotten them, if such there were, 

Titus. But can you swear they have forgotten you? 

Luc. Ah, well, the backward look is never blest. 

Titus. Mine would not be, if I abandoned you. 
Those have good luck who never trust to it, 
And those are sure of wives who marry them. 

Luc. Not rudely, Captain, not so hastily. 

Titus. I will remain, and let the money slip. 

[He tears up the letter. 
Gold may be valued at a measured rate, 
If some is lost some other may be found; 
But by no formula may love be told. 
It leaves no likeness when itself is lost. 
By heaven, this love makes me poetical. 
Let it be written in my epitaph. 
It was love also made me penniless. 

Luc. Captain, you distress me. 

Titus. I will cure that hereafter. 

Luc. What will my friends say of me, if I go? 

Titus. What will your friends say to you, if I go? 

Luc. No courtship, I protest. 

Titus. I cannot hold them under that same bond. 

Luc. Is there no other way? 

Titus. No other way. 

Luc. To-morrow — can I look it in the face? 

Titus. Even as the face you see, to-morrow is; 
As lovely in its glass as you in this. 

Luc. Ask what you will, 'tis granted, all you ask. 



28 THE CLERKS OF KFITERY 

Titus. I ask for everything. 

Luc. You shall have everything. 

Titus. To-morrow? 

Luc. Yes, to-morrow. 

Titus. That happy day! 

Luc. Another month we should have sojourned here, 
But what are months and days to loyalty? 
The girls shall stretch their long vacation out 
Between here and the West. 

Titus. Must they go also? 

Luc. I dare not leave them — hush! 

Enter Luella and Eunice. 

Eun. Of course I do not like him. 

Luel. Why not tell her so? 

Eun. If I supposed — Oh! 

Luc. What is it, children? 

Eun. What? Nothing. 

Titus. Oh, come now, tell me what the secret is 
That keeps your heads together; will you take 
A wise old captain into partnership? 
I'll put my fifty years experience 
Against your capital of gossiping. 
And we will take the profit of a laugh 
Out of the him you mentioned. 

Luel. Oh, thank you, we do well enough alone; 
We take the pleasure of a laugh at him 
More often than you think. 

Titus. Now just his name. 

Luel. Shall I tell him, Eunice? 

Eun. Luella! 

Luel. I must refuse; the secret is my cousin's; 
If it were mine alone, why, I might tell. 
I hardly care, but partners, as you know. 
Must pull together and hold back together. 

Titus. Some day I'll hold each partner for the whole. 

Luel. Then, for myself, I hate him! 

Luc. Peace, Luella! 

It is unladylike to hate a man. 
Regard them all with true complacency, 
And never let me see your anger flash 



ACT THIRD 29 

Upon your cheeks again. 

Luel. I shall never be a lady. 

Luc. Captain, she needs a stronger hand than mine. 
Titus. A trifle vicious, it must be confessed. 
Luc. She should be taught a little wisdom, truly. 
Luel. Those who teach wisdom should themselves be 
wise. 

Peggy runs in, passing through. 

Titus. Easy there, child! Now what have I caught here.^ 

Luc. Your little protege. 

Titus. Aly little beggar.? 

Luc. Why are you running, Peggy? 

Peg. Jane sent me for the towels. 

Titus. Then be obedient; run along, my girl. 

[Exit Peggy. 

Luc. A busy little thing. 

Titus. You make her useful? 

Luc. I fear, too useful; she runs everywhere. 

Titus. Now that is well; it was unwillingly 
I brought her to you, knowing nothing of her. 
And few things which are chosen in the dark 
Look well by light, but look! what should I do? 
She clung to me and cried; I pitied her; 
My heart is always tripping up my judgment. 
I could not leave her, so I brought her here. 

Luel. Procuring charity is next to charity. 

Luc. You see how good deeds follow a good deed. 

Titus. It pleases me to see her gratitude. 

Luc. My only wish is, it might stretch so far 
To reach her confidence. 

Titus. Why, how is that? 

Luc. She tells us nothing of her history. 

Titus. Her parents, surely. 

Luc. Not the slightest word. 

'Tis wonderful; when I begin to question 
She falls to sulking and says, / don't know. 

Titus. When she returns I will examine her. 

Luel. If ladies can be prophets I prophesy 
You have another failure. 

Luc. Be still, Luella! 

Luel. I tried her once myself. 



30 THE CLERKS OF KITTERY 

Enter Peggy, returning. 

Luc. Peggy! 

Peg. Yes, ma'am. 

Titus. Do you remember me? 

Luc. Answer the captain, Peggy. 

Peg. Yes, ma'am. 

Titus. Who am I, Peggy.? 

Peg. The man who brought me here. 

Titus. Now tell me where you came from. 

Peg. I don't know. 

Titus. Who is your mamma .f' 

Peg. I don't know. 

Titus. Who is your papa.'' 

Peg. I don't know. 

Titus. Hold up your head, my dear; do you remember 
Your own true papa.'' Did he look like me.? 

Peg. You make me laugh. 

Titus. Well, so I see, it is. 

Every one laughing at the poor old cap'n, 
And well deserved; Peggy, some other day, 
When I have leisure, I will tell you tales 
Of monsters, serpents, and strange shapes that dwell 
Under the dipsy lead, and other stories 
That ramble in my head; meanwhile, be good. 
And mind your duties and remember me. 

Peg. The captain's looking for you. [Exit. 

Titus. I must hail him good morning. 

Enter Captain Lannon; he uses an ear-trumpet. 

Lan. Cap'n 1 Cap'n! 

Titus. Oh, here you arc! 

Lan. I want to show you something in the paper, Cap'n. 
{He reads.) The grand jury now sitting in New Orleans has 
handed down an indictment against James R. Braley, captain 
of the steamer Palmetto at the time she was burned in the river 
below Baton Rouge. Captain Braley has disappeared and is 
believed to have shipped from a port in the North. Insurers 
of the cargo have refused payment of the claim. 

Titus. Do you know the man, Cap'n? 



ACT THIRD 



31 



Lan. No, no, not him in particular, but it reminds me of 
old times, wiien our gunboats began to nose 'em around; there 
were vessels ablaze all the way to the (}ulf, and an almighty 
bonfire they made and threw a great light over that be- 
nighted land. Them were starn and bloody days. 

Titus. Were you there, Cap'n.'' 

Lan. I showed you the flag we took at the blockade. 

Titus. Surely not; I would remember it. 

Lan. Come up to the lumber room; you shall see it this 
minute. 

Luc. Father, we have breakfast presently. 

Lan. Let it wait; I must show him that flag. 

[Exit the Captains. 

Luel. And the sword, and the grapple, and part o' the 
starn-post of the rebel ram — 

Luc. Be still, Luella. 

Lud. I will, when I am dead. 

Luc. Luella, you shall beg the captain's pardon. 

Luel. For what, I pray you.'' 

Luc. For your discourtesy. 

Luel. His look is insult; let him keep his place. 

Luc. You silly child, you have imagined it. 

Eun. No, mother, it is true. 

Luc. And you are giddy also. 

Luel. He grows forward and familiar. 

Luc. So friendship does. 

Luel. It is not that; I know what friendship is. 

Luc. You know with whom I caught you playing it. 

Luel. If you let me forget it, he would not. 

Luc. Was his look insult? Did he keep his place .^ 

Luel. He kept the place I gave him, nothing more. 

Luc. Mercy upon us! could a man ask more.'' 
I do believe the fool was innocent. 
You gave before he asked, and gave so well, 
You gave him more than you can give again. 
Yes, I fear that; go, and be penitent! 
The captain had the mercy to be kind. 
And for his kindness you have slandered him. 
The evil woman's payment; go! begone! < 

Luel. I shall not run for you, nor for him either. 

Luc. I command you; I am your guardian. 

Luel. One question first; of my inheritance 



32 THE CLERKS OF KITTERY 

Tell me how much remains. 

Luc. How little, you might ask. 

Luel. I would give half to have my liberty. 

Luc. Your liberty for whati* Your license rather, 
To run the streets and shame your family. 

Eun. Oh, not thatl 

Luc. Do you defame him also.^ 

Eun. Heaven knows I speak no ill of any man. 

Luc. Be sure of that; I would not for the world 
The captain ever caught a word of this. 
He is indeed a noble gentle:nan, 
Not easily disturbed, but angered once. 
Not easily appeased; one among all. 
To guard his honor, and guard honor with. 

Eun. But why does he remain.^ 

Luc. He stays on invitation, as he came. 

Eun. On yours.'' 

Luc. No, on your grandfather's. 

Eun. If he withdrew it, would the captain go.'' 

Luc. If he but heard it whispered, he would go. 

Eun. Then I will ask; he always humors me. 

Luc. Humor you, and insult his bidden guest! 
His humor would be more to bid you go. 

Eun. Let us go, then; I beg you, let us go. 

Luc. We go to-morrow. 

Luel. To-morrow ! 

Eun. What does it mean? 

Luc. Just what I say, Eunice, and nothing more. 

Eun. And nothing more.'' 

Luc. Why do you mock me.'' I say, nothing more. 
So pack your trunks; get your belongings ready; 
Make yourselves busy as your tongues have been. {Exit. 

Luel. Well, Eunice, let each sinner save himself. 
You have begged your salvation for my own. 

Eun. I would die for you, Luella. 

Luel. Plague on this tongue of mine! 

Those tears of yours will kill me, not yourself. 

Eun. Oh, to escape, is it not happiness? 

Luel. You know I planned escape another way. 

Eun. But would you, truly? 

Luel. Truly, then, I would. 

Eun. I am sorry for it. 



ACT THIRD S3 

Luel. Well, I am not. 

I shall be happier since you will be. 
I'll tell you what I thought; I thought, thought I, 
This Captain Titus has another name 
All ready to adorn your mother with. 
My dear aunt Titus — how would that have smacked.'' 

Eun. Oh, hush! I feared the same. 

Luel. And never told me! 

Eun. I could not speak it, not even to myself. 

Luel. Your trouble's past; now let me count my own. 
How many are a thousand times a thousand.'' 

Eun. Call it two, Luella. 

Luel. Swear to me, is that good arithmetic? 

Eun. It is good common sense. 

Luel. Oh, for a female mathematical. 
To calculate the troubles I am in! 
The first one, be the others what they may. 
Is how to get a letter down to Peter. 

Eun. Peggy could take it. 

Luel. Would she keep the secret? 

Eu7i. The wide, wide world to nothing that she would. 

Luel. Peggy! Peggy! Call upstairs, Eunice. 

Eun. Peggy! Peggy! 

Enter Peggy. 

Peg. Was that you calling? 

Luel. Who else should it be? 

Peg. There seems to be a dozen. 

Luel. Peggy, can you keep a secret? 

Peg. Why can't I? 

Luel. I know you can, but will you? 

Peg. Why won't I? 

Luel. Eunice, if husbands can be had by asking. 
This girl will get one, not by answering. 
You see this dollar, Peggy; are you willing 
To do an errand for me, and to swear 
Upon the Bible, never, never to tell? 

Peg. 'Course I won't tell. [A voice, Peggy! Peggy! 

Luel. It's just to mail a letter. 

Peg. Where? 

Luel. To old Peter, by the landing. 



34 THE CLERKS OF KITTERY 

[J voice, Peggy! Peggy! 
Peg. Where is the letter? 
Luel. Wait here a minute; never mind the calling. 

[Exit LuELLA a7id Eunice. 

Enter Annette. 

Jnn. What are you doing here.'' Come and help me dust 
the chambers. 

Enter Jane. 

Jane. Where are you going, Peggy? Stay here and sweep 
the room. 

Ann. She is to help me mornings. 

Jane. Out o' my way! You are young enough to help 
yourself. 

ylnn. You are old enough to be helped, the good Lord 
knows. 

Jane. Upstairs with ye! stir yourself! budge! (Exit 
Annette.) The saucy trollop! only here a week and bossing 
me around already! It would rile the spirit of a saint to see 
how girls are brought up now-a-days; as soon as they are 
tall enough to look in a glass they think about nothing except 
their own faces. I shall make something solid out of you, 
Peggy, because I have got you young enough to drill ye; 
take this broom, now, and see how quick you can sweep 
this floor; if you do it well you shall have work to do all the 
morning; I'll give ye all the chance heart could wish to learn 
something. No, no, don't brush your toes that way; like 
this; swing it, child, swing it! 

Peg. I can't sweep with no one looking on. 

[The telephone rings. 

Jane. Sweep away, then, while I see if those girls are 

dangling 'round my 'phone. I'll be back in a minute. [Exit. 

[Peggy takes a package from her dress and conceals it. 

Enter Captain Titus. 

Peg. Oh, pa, I got it! 

Titus. Where is it? 

Peg. Under the couch cover; I hid it there. 



ACT THIRD 35 

Titus. I told you to take it to my room. 

Peg. Annette was there. Look out! Jane is coming. 

[The Captain seats himself on the couch. 

Enter Jane. 

Jane. Why, not a stroke of work done, you little gutter- 
sparrow! Hop out o' my way; give me the broom. 

Peg. I'll do it all right now, Miss Jane. 

Jane. Skip along! Oh, the worthlessness of these city 
trots! — I beg your pardon. Captain; I thought you were 
upstairs. 

Titus. No offence, my good woman. 

Jane. I should say not; a woman must sweep sometime. 

Titus. Certainly, my good woman. 

Jane. Well, sir, I can't leave the room half swept. 

Titus. You will not disturb me, not at all. 

Jane. If you will leave the room to me five minutes you 
can have it the rest of the day; the captain himself always 
quits a room when I am sweeping, and he is master of this 
house. 

Titus. I will just remain to see that everything is done 
clean and shipshape. 

Jane. You will take the dust, then — back! Peggy, 
back! 

Titus. Always begin to sweep in the corner, or your 
laziness may tempt you to end it there. 

Jane. If I was as lazy as some people I never would end 
it at all. 

Titus. Sweep it short and easy. 

Jane. I'll sweep it short enough. 

Titus. What makes you sweep it so hard? 

Jane. I'm in a hurry to get into better company. 

Titus. Hit it under the table. 

Jane. I'll hit it — hit it — take it yourself, you old fool. 
{She throws the broom at him and Exit. 

Titus. Quick! Peggy, quick! Where is it? 

Peg. Here, here, under the pillow. 

Titus. Yes, this is it. 

Peg. Oh, quick! put it in your pocket. 

Titus. Watch at the door while I look it over. 

Peg. She's coming! she's coming! [Exit. 



36 ■ THE CLERKS OF KITTERY 



Enter Lucretia. 

Luc. I fear Jane has been rude to you, Captain. 

Titus. I can forgive any woman anything for your sake. 

Luc. But do not love them for my sake. 

Titus. I will hate all but you, if you say so. 

Luc. I could never bear that any one should be hated. 
I would I owned the whole world. Captain, that I might 
give it with myself; yet I have something. 

Titus. What would I value the world? It is the heart, 
Lucretia, the heart, the heart, the heart! {He embraces her. 

Enter Captain Lannon. 

Lan. Aha! have I caught you.^ To her. Captain, to 
her! You shall have her. Captain; my word for it, you 
shall have her. What, Lucretia! kiss him, girl, kiss him! 
Here's a fellow after my own trim — no rebel southerner — 
a man! a man! By the Almighty, I never was so tickled in 
my life afore since I beat the Algonqui^i past Boston Light; 
I beat her into her berth and I beat her out of it; you beat 
Lucretia into it and you beat her out of it — ha, ha! There 
is something coming with her. Captain! to the right man, 
Captain! There's property enough, and mortgages, and 
stocks, and things no one knows about — all for the right 
man, Lucretia! a good stiff man, Captain! a real old dog 
of a captain! a master! a master! 



ACT IV. 

Scene. — Portsmouth; the Parade. 
Enter Harney and Marlin. 

Mar. Which way now? Where are you going? 

Har. Wherever you like; I have the evening before me. 

Mar. How shall we spend it? 

Har. As it comes; no one can spend it faster. 

Mar. As it goes, I say; no one can spend it slower. 

Har. Joke it away; no one can spend it better. 

Mar. Profit by it; no one can spend it twice. 

Har. I am all spent. 

Mar. What, to no purpose? Not a thought? Not a 
suggestion ? 

Har. Come down to the Point; the air here circulates as 
slowly as an overdue note. 

Mar. How fast does it circulate at the Point? 

Har. As fast as bad coin. 
. Mar. It must blow ill news, to bring Peter so fast up the 
hill; look, he is swimming over to us on his legs. 

Enter Peter. 

Hello, Peter! Is there a breeze off the Point? 

Pet. She kicks a little, like a nor'easter rising. Where's 
your mate, young man? 

Mar. Keep on down to the ferry and you will meet him; 
wait here and he will meet you. 

Pet. I never learnt your lazy ways of loafing on street 
corners. Here, give him this letter when he comes; mind it 
sharp, now. 

Mar. Is it so valuable, not to be trusted to the mail? 

Pet. If it was do you suppose I would trust it to you? 

Mar. Well said, Peter; you are not so dull as you look. 

Pet. No — you are not so smart as you feel. 



38 THE CLERKS OF KITTERY 

Har. Peter, I ask you this; what road is it that runs only 
one way? 

Pet. Keep right on the way you are going and ask the 

devil when you get there. [Exit. 

Mar. Look what it is to be engaged! 

Har. From Luella? 

Mar. I know the writing; would that I knew what was 
written. 

Har. Why not ask him? 

Mar. He would answer you as Peter did just now. 

Har. Tush! he would let me read it first. 

Mar. He would as soon let you marry her first. 

Har. I would lay something on that. 

Mar. You're on! What is the whole sum of your 
cash? 

Har. I am to have a free hand; you agree not to inter- 
fere. 

Mar. Only to save life; I would go so far as that. 

Har. I will bet a supper; you shall risk no more. 

Mar. A supper, then, a high feast; I stipulate for no 
limit. 

Har. Have it as you like — no limit. 

Mar. I will eat you up. 

Har. Give me the letter; it's between him and me. 

Mar. Well, that is fair enough. 

Har. You remain here; Fll come when he does. [Exit. 

Mar. Hold on there! come back! Aha! is that the 
game? 

Enter several Clerks. 



Hello, boys! where is Hale? 

1 CI. He came over on the boat. 

2 CI. I almost had to drag him from his desk. 

3 CI. He will ruin the service, working overtime. 
Mar. The rest of us will save it. 

2 CI. Working overtime! Hang me if he has posted half 
a column all the afternoon; he was asleep or dreaming. 

Mar. Mostly people are asleep that are dreaming. 

2 CI. Not you. Flasher; you "dreamed you had found a 
kissing-post, and it proved to be a box on the ear. 

I CI. You are answered! you are answered! 

[Exit Clerks. 



ACT FOURTH 39 



Enter Hale. 

Hale. Waiting for me, Flasher? 

Mar. Have you seen Harney anywhere? 

Hale. I'm not looking for him. 

Mar. He should be here by this time. 

Hale. He will lose a day of his life at last, like a slow 
clock; any one can see it is coming. 

Mar. Well, not yet; here he is. 

Enter Harney. 

Har. A letter, Frank! a letter! 

Hale. Away with it! you turn me sick! 

Har. A letter from Luella! take it, man, take it! 

Hale. Throw it to the cunners; this fish has a sore 
mouth. 

Har. This is no bait; this is a genuine letter. 

Hale. I could laugh once; repetition is the death of a 
joke. 

Har. As I hope to live, this is your letter. 

Hale. As I expect to die, I will it to you. 

Har. Take it, take it. 

Hale. Keep it, keep it. 

Har. What shall I do with it? 

Hale. Read it; digest it; fill yourself on it. 

Har. I open it under protest. — Ha! Flasher, are you 
losing your appetite? — I will read it aloud. {He reads.) 
Dear Frank — You had better take it. 

Hale. Oh, stumbling at the start! 

Har. {Reading.) I have just a moment to tell you — 
I will stop whenever you say the word. 

Hale. Go on; I like your invention. 

Har. {Reading.) I have just a moment to tell you that 
tve leave for home to-morrow, a month earlier than usual. Re- 
member me and I will remember you always; forget me and I 
will still remember you; remember another and I will forget 
you. Good-bye. Forever your — Luella. 

Hale. Where did you get that letter? 

Har. I am ashamed of my levity; old Peter brought it 
over. 



40 THE CLERKS OF KITTERY 

Hale. And leaves for home to-morrow! That went to my 
heart like a shot. 

Har. What has happened? Can you imagine? 

Hale. Let me see it. {He reads.) We leave for home to- 
morrow, a month earlier than usual. Not if I know it. She 
shall leave to-night, a little earlier than their earliest. How 
to get word to her, that's the deviltry. Her aunt stands over 
her like a stone lion on the doorstep. 

Har. Try the telephone. 

Hale. I tried it once and was caught; they watch it. 

Har. Rest yourself easy. I will prove that I am some- 
thing better than a meddler. Drive your wits together, 
indite your missive, and give it to me. I will deliver it. 

Hale. How can you contrive it? 

Har. By craft, by policy, by polite circumvention. 

Hale. You will do more than I ever did, if you 
do so. 

Har. Easily, easily; you are a good man on a ledger, 
Frank, but women are not ledgers. As long as they are sure 
of their attractions they can live on truth alone, but when 
they begin to suspect themselves they must be fed on flat- 
tery. Now if it shall ever be my experience to ask anything 
of the widow (and I tell you in confidence it will sometime 
happen) do you think I shall approach her on the level of 
commonplace? No, I shall jack her up with a few compli- 
ments, and while she is under the influence of that pleasing 
sensation she will grant whatever I ask. A compliment, 
Frank, will abate the fury of a female alligator. 

Hale. If you and your compliments are flipped into the 
street you may find a new force in that comparison. 

Har. Just write the letter; I will undertake to compli- 
ment it to its destination. 

Hale. I will make the message short; this sheet will 
hold it. 

Nancy enters, and loiters near. 

Har. There was a postscript; did you notice It? 

Hale. A postscript! {He reads.) Captain' Titus is visit- 
ing at our house. 

Nan. Excuse me, sir; can you tell me where Captain 
Titus is? 



ACT FOURTH 41 

Hale. He's visiting Captain Lannon in Kittery. Do 
you know anything about him? 

Nan. Yes, I know something. 

Hale. What is it? 

Nan. He's visiting Captain Lannon in Kittery. [Exit. 

Har. You sold yourself cheap that time. 

Hale. Sold myself! I gave myself away. 

Mar. Franklin, if you had given no one but yourself 
away when you became moonstruck, you might hope to be 
forgiven, but look what your best friend has suffered by it; 
only last week it cost me ten dollars of that currency which 
the government works so hard to get, and just now, on the 
same wager, I have lost a supper to a man who is not ashamed 
to gormandize. If I ever bet on you a third time it will be a 
signal that something has been extinguished in my own brain 
which used to shine there — yes, I am forever convinced 
that lead is lead. 

Hale. You are like the blind man who cursed the lamp 
post for getting in his way. I never told you to bet on me. 

Mar. I could tell you something about blind men — but 
come, in the way of friendship I will contrive some way 
to help you. It is not my fate to carry letters or turn com- 
pliments, but if there is anything heroic to be done my soul 
is of that stature, more than life size. Hold! an idea kicks 
to come out already! Go your way; I will meet you to-night 
at old Peter's. 

Har. The very place; let us all meet there. 

Hale. And remember, not a word of this! 

Mar. Not a word! [Exit all. 



ACT V. 
Scene. — Captain Lannon's hoiise, and grounds adjoining. 
Enter Luella and Eunice, running. 

Eun. Stop, stop, Luella! 

Luel. A little further, Eunice — slipped away! 

Eun. Let us catch breath; no one is following. 

Luel. Oh, tell me, Eunice, would you run so fast 
To meet a man, as to escape from one? 

Eun. Not a step, truly; let them do the running. 

Luel. What's your opinion, honest, of these men? 

Eun. What's yours? 

Luel. Take it for comfort's sake; a man's a creature 
Having two long legs that he ambles on. 
Two arms that hang upon him, and a head; 
A sad necessity, much to be desired; 
A very knowing master, to be laughed at, 
A very willing servant, to be feared; 
Easily shunned, but not to be escaped, 
Easily followed, but not often caught; 
Like life's great problem, restlessly explored, 
And never solved; while calculating both, 
Death or a husband comes. Well, why not have him? 

Eun. I think I'll wait awhile. 

Luel. What are you waiting for, a perfect one? 

Eun. I thought your own was perfect. 

Luel. Not by half. 

And if he were, too good by half for me. 

Eun. You have strange fancies; I shall never fear 
To find too good a man. 
All I can hope for, among those I see. 
Is one that's standing on uncertain ground, 
But leaning the right way. 



ACT FIFTH 43 



Enter Peggy, 

Peg. May I come down? 

Luel. Yes, come here, Peggy, my letter carrier. 
Was it old Peter, are you sure, who took it? 

Peg. Sure, it was him. 

Luel. What did he say? 

Peg. He says — I says, Are you old Peter? 

Luel. And what did he say then? 

Peg. He scowled and says, JVhat young shrimp are you? 
And then a woman came and called him Peter, 
So I gave him the letter, and then I ran. 

Luel. Come, Eunice, get your person off the grass, 
And let us stroll down to the street together. 
The sun is going down, and by some chance 
We may have company. 

Eun. Not asked, Luella! 

Luel. Oh, innocence! those men come who are not called. 

Peg. That's what pa said he was 'fraid of. 

Luel. Who is he? And where is he? 

Peg. Oh, that was long ago, I mean — Oh, long ago. 

Luel. You little witch, something I seem to see. 
But no, it could not pass. Remember, Eunice, 
If it shall happen all the secret path 
This child has traveled, is uncovered here, 
I predict somewhere backward will be found 
The foot of Captain Titus crossing it. 

Eun. He could not so deceive us. 

Luel. There you deceive yourself. 

Eun. Look how she hides her face. 

Luel. But not her eyes. 

Eun. I do believe she does see everything. 

Luel. Hark! what was that? 

Eun. I heard a door close; she has followed us. 

Luel. She must not find us. Eunice, will you hide? 
Just stand behind the lilacs in the shadow, 
And Peggy, stand there also; I'll keep watch. 
Well, on my soul, it's aunt Lucretia 
And the big captain, coming pit-a-pat. 
Her head is on his shoulder and his arm 
Is wrapped about her, very loving-like. 



44 THE CLERKS OF KITTERY 

Now he is eating her, or kissing her. 

No — it's a kiss; I will remember that. 

I wonder how the old hog does so well. 

He did it often when he was a shoat. 

Oh, I could dance! When aunt Lucretia 

Presumes to lecture me on Frank again, 

I'll laugh and say, — 'Twas only Friday last. 

There, in the evening, by the garden zvalk, 

Wrapped in the captain's arms and pressed between, 

As those who love to, autumn leaves in books, 

I sazv — Be quiet, Eunice! 

They have turned back. Oh, Juba! here they come! 

Eun. Oh, run this way, Luella! 

Luel. It is too late! 

They are right on us. 

Enter Captain Titus and Lucretia. 

Oh, good evening, aunt! 
You and the captain — Oh, good evening, sir! 
You grow quite close together, so I see. 

Luc. What does the child mean.^ 

Titus. This is my niece, 

And this my daughter, very lovely beings. 
And this is Peggy, the poor beggar girl. 
They hid in ambush, with their pretty ways, 
To give a love kiss to their guardian. 

Eun. Oh, mother! is it so.'' 

Luc. He is to be your father; greet him so. 

Titus. Ah! for a kiss; you tremble like a dove 
Caught in the hand; it is for joy, I guess. 
And now, my pretty niece — • 

Luel. No, not for me. 

I'll not be swallowed, even if Eunice will. 
If kindred comes in this way, then my aunt 
Might introduce an uncle once a year. 

Titus. This young hawk must be tamed, Lucretia. 

Luc. Tell me some punishment effectual. 

Luel. You dare not do it, on your life you dare not! 

Titiis. Lucretia, this high head requires much curbing, 
Which must be laid on with severity; 
But let us not cross our first happiness 



ACT FIFTH 45 

With our first trouble — rather, cast them all. 
Revise your plans, and leave the ingrate here 
In close confinement, under proper guard, 
Till our return; then we will spell her out 
A lesson from that book, Obedience. 

Luc. Always my noble and sagacious captain. 

Eun. I beg you, leave me also. 

Luc. Captain, would it be wise.^ 

Titus. Your lips have uttered it; it would be wise. 

Luc. So let it be; now, Eunice, take good heed 
Of your behavior; be very, very wise. 

Enter Peter, zvith a basket. 

Pet. Hey, Cap'n! 

Titus. Hey, my good fellow! 

Luc. Ah, Peter, good luck with the line, I see. 

Pet. Little enough — a haddock for the cap'n. Here, 
you little spider {To Peggy) what made you run away from 
me this morning.'' Take this basket up to the kitchen and 
save my old legs the pull; and mind ye, bring it back again 
this minute. {Exit Peggy.) You southern girls, now, would 
disgrace yourselves if you carried anything heftier than a fan. 

Luel. I would carry anything for you, Peter. 

Pet. Well, would ye now, would ye now.'' 

Luc. Peter, you should forget your prejudices. 

Pet. No man can name a sunk ship by a floating spar, 
Lucretia, but what I see afloat is just like what went down. 
I ain't forgiven the South and I dunno as I ever shall; she 
don't suit me yet. 

Luel. She shall be made over to suit you, Peter. 

Pet. You are all right, my girl, if you do hail from the 
wrong side of the line. 

Luc. Can you spare Dolphin a few days, Peter? 

Pet. I can unless she thinks otherwise; I can spare her 
a good many days. 

Titus. Ha, hal pull all together, my good fellow. 

Pet. We pull both at the same time, if that's what you 
mean. 

Luc. Surely she must appreciate you, Peter. 

Pet. Well, she says she has seen worse men, but they was 
in jail. 



46 THE CLERKS OF KITTERY 

Titus. Perhaps you undervalue her. 

Pet. I ain't seen any chance to set a price on her. 

Luc. A model housewife, Peter, remember that. 

Pet. Well, a man must fish. 

Liic. Some trifling petty quarrel has stirred up 
This acid inclination; let it pass. 
Peter, you shall know, a great occasion 
Requires my absence, very brief, I hope. 
I should be happy, yet I cannot be. 
Except my mind lies easy in the thought 
That all is well at home; now may I hope 
That Dolphin can be spared to stand the watch 
Over my household, as you soldiers say.^ 

Pet. Thank ye, Lucretia; I like best to be remembered 
as a fighter. 

Luc. Can Dolphin come.^ ' 

Pet. I will bring her, either before or behind. 

Luc. She will be willing, and I shall be content. 

Enter Peggy, zviih the basket. 

Eun. Mother. 

Luc. Well, Eunice. 

Eun. May we go back with Peter? 

Luc. No, child, you must not ramble round at night. 

Eun. We shall not be alone. 

Luc. I believe that. 

Eun. I mean, the other girls are out to-night. 
I hear their voices singing; they come this way. 

Enter a party of Girls. Enter opposite, Harney. 

Har. Good evening. Captain. 

Titus. Good evening, Tom, my boy; all well at hom^? 
Har. As usual; when shall we see you there.'* 
Titus. I leave these parts to-morrow. 
Har. So early! You are bound across the line.'' 
Titus. No, I go west. 
Har. I prefer Canada, as Peter did. 

Pet. Out o' my way, you young squid! You forget I am 
a fighter. 



ACT FIFTH 47 

Har. My mother sends these roses, Mrs. Wayne, 
With her regards and wishes for your health. 

[He passes a letter to Luella. 

Luc. Your mother, Thomas, has a kind good heart. 
Give her my thanks and tell ber I am well. 
And looking, you may see, as usual. 

liar. Why, I will swear, I never saw the like. 
I mean, your looks; you and your daughter, ma'am, 
I mean your daughter — you resemble her. 

Luc. Thomas, I am too old for compliments. 

Har. Oh, no, the older the more need of them. 

Luc. You will be older, Thomas, by and by. 

Har. I trust I shall, but you will never be. 

Luc. You lift your hat; is it to say good-bye.^ 

Har. Indeed, I must be going; good-night, Captain. 

Titus. Good night, Tom, my boy. [Exit Harney. 

1 Girl. May the girls come with us, Mrs. Wayne? 
Luc. I must deny. 

2 Girl. Just this once, Mrs. Wayne. 

3 Girl. Only an half hour; we return this way. 
Luc. Captain, advise me; do you think it wise, 

Strolling and singing love songs in the dark. 
And frolicking away with heaven knows who.'' 

1 Girl. Heaven knows we know each other, Mrs. 
Wayne. 

2 Girl. We are not strolling; we know where we are. 

3 Girl. And I deny the love songs, and the love. 
Luc. My dear, we heard you singing. 

3 Girl. Listen again. 

Song. 

Oh, tell me not the passing years 

In sorrozv^s vale must flow, 
Washed with the ever-falling tears 

For beauty'' s overthrow. 
The summer rose that bloomed so fair 

Has lost her diadem, 
But the rosy leaves within the jar 

Are sweeter'n on the stem. 
Are dearer, rarer, sweeter far 

Than the rose upon the stem. 



48 THE CLERKS OF KITTERY 

Look how young summer, decked in green 

And blushing as a bride, 
Goes laughing through the merry scene 

In fullness of her pride. 
But sober autumn walks alone 

The shadowed ways between, 
And has a charm that's all her own 

Where sorrow's hand hath been. 
Where the true tenderness alone 

Of sorrow's hand hath been. 

Oh, from that deep responsive calm 

Thou never more shall part. 
Safe in the circle of my arm, 

And the harbor of my heart. 
Such is the hope that heaven affords. 

The fondest and the last. 
When all our sighs and parting words 

And bitter tears are past. 
When long-remembered parting words 

And bitter tears are past. 

Luc. You have won your wish, my dear. 

Titus. 'Tis carried by a fair majority. 

Luc. Be very prudent; return safe and well. 

I Girl. Nothing can harm us, under Peter's charge. 

Pet. I'm on guard to-night. 

[Exit all except Captain Titus and Lucretia. 

Luc. Peter is very rude; I humor him. 
For he is old and faithful to my father. 
They played together, sailed and fought together, 
Master and mate, oh, very many years, 
And still they love to talk the old times over, 
And tell old stories of their better days. 

Titus. A good old fellow, very like the cap'n. 
He fits him grain for grain and knot for knot. 
All gone at last; come to my arms again. 

Luc. Oh, pardon! not here, Captain. 
There are too many prying eyes about. 
Just think, if any one should chance to see, 
It wouldn't be good form. 

Titus. Aha! I laugh at forms, 



ACT FIFTH 49 

And scorn the quarter points of etiquette. 
I'm my own style; I'm fashion number one. 
I sail my own craft, sing my own song, 
Kiss my own wife, and — [He whispers. 

Luc. Oh fie! Captain, for shame! 

[Exit all. 



ACT VI. 

Scene. — Peter's house, by the landing. 
Enter Hale. 
Hale. Peter! Peter! 

Dolphin appears at the door. 

Dol. What's wanted? 

Hale. Where is Peter to-night, Dolphin? 

Dol. Wherever he ought not to be, if you know where 
that is. 

Hale. Fishing, perhaps. 

Dol. Fished, I should call it; off nearly the whole day 
with a crew of his equals, and brought back as many fish 
as you could see in a bottle if you held it up to the 
light. 

Hale. I'll sit here on the boat and wait awhile. I suppose 
he will be back sometime. 

Dol. I suppose he will, if he thinks no one wants him. 

Hale. Who brought the letter to Peter, do you know. 
Dolphin? 

Dol. A little girl who runs errands up there. So you are 
writing letters to her and she to you, and meeting around 
corners, no doubt, and conspiring to be married sometime, 
are you? 

Hale. And why not. Dolphin? They say that's the best 
shot a man can make. 

Dol. It's nothing but a shot into the dark, and no luck 
to be had at it either; instead of getting the kind of man 
you deserve you get some old dundering fool maybe, and 
there you are. 

Hale. But what luck for a woman. Dolphin? I'm not 
looking for a man. 

Dol. God forbid I should say anything against the poor 
women — I know what a life they lead. 



ACT SIXTH 51 



Enter Harney. 

Har. An idle life, Dolphin. 

Hale. An easy life. 

Har. A contentious life. 

Dol. There you are, both on one side of the boat again, 
just as you were last Fourth, when Peter fished you out of 
the river. Make sport of that if you can — yes, laugh at 
that! [Exit. 

Hale. What luck, Tom? How did you come off.-" 

Har. Like a rear-rank recruit; I shut my eyes, fired my 
piece, and ran. 

Hale. And the letter.'' 

Har. Luella has it; I waited to see her reading it behind 
her aunt's back. 

Hale. I am a hundred years in your debt. 

Har. May I live until you pay it. 

Hale. Now if she can contrive an answer I shall know the 
hour; if not, I must settle myself to wait. 

Har. Old Peter is up there. 

Hale. So I thought. She may send a note by him. 

Har. His head is up and battle in his eye to-night. 

Hale. A skirmish with IDolphin, I suspect. I smelt the 
powder. 

Har. Then let him alone; when he is beaten out of the 
house he is ready to fight the rest of the world, come all to- 
gether. 

Hale. I can manage him. 

Har. Will you go if she is willing.'' Do you mean it? 

Hale. I swear by a shipper's oath, and there is nothing 
stronger, I will go to-night. I will endure this suspense no 
longer; another year would rack me to a shadow; I would 
fall away like a summer tourist when they unwind seven 
thousand yards of silk from the regions of privacy. This 
last week I have lived in a nightmare; the ground whirls 
under me; the futility of human hopes rises to warn me what 
a gulf may open between to-day and to-morrow; and when- 
ever I think of Luella my heart falls with a crash upon my 
diaphragm. 

Har. I was in love once myself. I experienced a sleepy 
sensation and seemed much more comfortable than usual. 



52 THE CLERKS OF KITTERY 

I could lie here all night and never wish for morning. Where's 
the singing? 

Hale. Some one is working a boat up to the landing. 
Thunder! it's that crowd from the office and Flasher is 
among them. 

Har. There goes your secret; he has burst it. 

Hale. Impossible. I would have sworn by him. 

{A boat runs up to the landing.) 
Marlin and three Clerks come ashore 

Mar. Here he is, boys! here he is! 

1 CI. Here's the hero of Kittery! 

2 CI. A hero! a hero! a very dare-devil! 

3 CI. Three cheers for the runaway! 

Hale. What is this, Flasher.'* What do you mean? 

Mar. I brought 'em down to help you. 

I CI. We are all friends. 

3 CI. JVhoop-de-doo-de-doo! 

We are the comrades true. 

Oh, we are the pirate crew! 
I CI. We will pull you through. 

Hale. If I ever catch you asleep again. Flasher, I will 
muzzle you. 

Mar. Why, they are all friends. 
3 CI. Ding-dong! ding-dong! 

As we sail along, 

No quarter, is our song. 

1 CI. We have re-named the boat Luella and raised the 
black flag. 

3 67. One more! tzvo more! 

By three things the rover swore! 
Craft and crezu and the midnight hour. 
Hale. Quit that infernal croaking or die on the spot. 
3 CI. Not another croak. 

Mar. Put down the oar, put down the oar; I tell you 
again, we have all come down to help you. 

Hale. You have a good eye for distance, or I would help 
you to a broken head. 

2 CI. Come, Frank, it shall go no further; we will take 
our solemn oath. 

I CI. And go to a notary and put it under seal. 



ACT SIXTH 53 

3 CI. And bleed Flasher and sign it in his blood. 

I CI. But you must give us the full degree; we must 
know the whole business. 

Hale. A man might as well try to start a fire in ashes as 
to tell anything Flasher has told before him. Why, when he 
was only five weeks old he told all his father's secrets to his 
mother. It is an infirmity which he inherits from his great- 
grandmother, who was the youngest of eleven sisters — a 
congenital looseness of the organs of speech. He could have 
married a girl himself once, if he could have kept from telling 
her that he had another one. So I am sure you know all 
there is to be known about Luella — who wouldn't climb to 
get her.^ 

1 CI. No one who could reach her — not one of us. 

2 CI. She has the face of a happy angel. 

Hale. And she is good for all her face shows, like an 
honest invoice. 

Mar. Who deserves her most. ^ I. And who has got her? 
Not I. 

2 CI. No one has got her; she is yet to get. 

3 CI. Does she go to-morrow.'' 
Hale. Tell me the rest of it. 

2 CI. Shall you steal her to-night.'* 

Hale. To-morrow will answer to-day. 

Mar. There's the conceit of it! Do you think you can 
run a runaway alone as it should be run.'' Will you, with the 
dignity of the service in your keeping, steal off like a long- 
shoreman eloping with a hundred-weight of ballast, or a 
seasick Jack sneaking overboard with his boots in his 
hand.^ By the souls of admirals and vice-admirals, where 
are all the traditions, and regulations, and precepts govern- 
ment pays you to observe.^ You manage an elopement 
alone! I can see work for a dozen at least, to say nothing of 
substitutes, and a guard doubled against treason, one to 
watch the dog, and one to dog the watch; one — 

I CI. Hold on; is there a dog? 

Mar. A dog! A brindled man-eater, as big as a bull-calf, 
and as fierce as an inspector of ordnance. 

I CI. I shall stav here and guard the boat; that is my 
part; I am firm for' that. 

Mar. An honorable office, if you bring honor to it. You 
will lie here in the wash, ready to cast off at a moment's 



54 THE CLERKS OF KITTERY 

notice. 'Tis midnight. Silence. The clock strikes twelve. 
Silence again. Twelve does not retaliate. Suddenly a howl 

— a shot — a shout — a curse — a scream — a rush of feet, 
and here we all come together — we first, the dog following 

— or maybe the dog first and we following — or perhaps 
both together, a dead heat, his mouth shut, ours open — we 
leap for the boat — ■ 

1 CI. By Judas, he will reach it first who swims fastest. 
I take no dog passengers. I hate 'em with the hatred of 
ancestral hate. 

Mar. Coward! I rush in where peril most abounds. 
I am the man who will rescue Luella and bring her down the 

ladder. I fear no dog; I can hold her between him and me. 

3 CI. You are the stuff that heroes are made of. 

Hale. He is the stuff that is left after heroes are made. 

2 CI. I shall play the part of rescuer or none at all. 
Mar. Cast me for any part you like, I will fit as tight 

as the tire to the felly. 

Hale. You will fit as loose as the tongue to the mouth. 

Mar. Take my advice, Frank, keep yourself dark; every 
one who sees you suspects something. 

Hale. Tush! they know nothing and suspect nothing. 

I CI. 'Tis true; there is something in your manner 
which puts every one to asking questions. 

Hale. What is there in my manner which puts every one 
to asking every one but me questions.'' 

Mar. I'll tell you; you seem preoccupied, as if you were 
groping for something you had lost; you stare at people 
without seeing them; you shake your head over the ledger 
like an accountant; yes, and only this afternoon you con- 
sulted your watch so often Freeman asked you if you were 
copying it. 

1 CI. And do you remember the other day, when a 
woman stopped him and asked if those great ships were all 
iron, he answered. No, they were cork — being a little light- 
headed at the time and having his thoughts set on life-pre- 
servers and such like means of escape. 

2 CI. Yes, I told her his name was Guttenberg, and off 
she went to denounce him to the commandant. 

Mar. Ay, you see what it is to have friends. 
I CI. Come, Frank, describe the symptoms, so I may 
prognosticate my own condition; I know well enough I 



ACT SIXTH 55 

shall be caught with that same cramp in the heart if a cer- 
tain person I met in the office to-day ever smiles at me again. 

Hale. A cramp! do you call love a cramp! 

Mar. It is, it is; I maintain that it is, and I have had 
experience. 

Hale. I believe it; your first experience was a passion 
for an easy chair, and your last was a loving remembrance 
of contact with the cushion. 

Mar. Not so, defamer! I also am a man, as the slave 
says in the melodrama; I also have known a desperate affec- 
tion; but the course of it resembled a French novel — it 
began in pandemonium and ended in chaos — it had a sign 
of innocence in the morning, but it wandered, and it wan- 
dered, and it wandered, and it was lost — lost — lost in the 
night. 

1 CI. And mine traveled north and grew colder and 
colder. 

2 CI. And mine flowed upstream and ended in a bubble. 

3 CI. And mine flourished and blossomed and bore — 
a crab apple. 

Mar. Lo, a darkness, a chill, a blank, a blight, may fall 
on the heart, and shall it not have symptoms.^ Take notice, 
Frank; in the beginning you have a kind of weak swimming 
head and a desperate sinking stomach — 

Hale. Why, that's the tremens! 

1 CI. Water! water! 

2 CI. Throw him in, boys! cool him off! 
Mar. Hold! look behind you, villains! 

I CI. As I live, there come all the girls in Kittery, forty 
of 'em. 

3 CI. Why stand here and perish? Why not meet our 
fate half way.f" 

Mar. Come on, Frank. 

Hale. I'll wait for Peter. 

1 CI. Leave him here to watch the evening star. 

2 CI. And leave that deaf mute with him for company. 

1 CI. What, Harney, shall you never speak again.'' 

2 CI. He can wave his hand; there is life in him yet. 
Mar. Oh, Frank, your fish has come up on dry land! 
Hale. What do you mean? 

Mar. There's Luellal 
Hale. Where ? 



56 THE CLERKS OF KITTERY 

Mar. There, there, beside Peter! Now who's your 
friend ? 

Hale. Do I see with my own eyes? Am I dreaming? 
3 CI. Look at the moon, the lover cried. 

Mar. But not over her left shoulder. Come o-n! 
3 CI. Alone they zvandered side by side, 

The ivay was dark, the world zvas wide.. 

The night tvas overhead. 
Look at the moon, the lover cried. 
Oh, look at me, the girl replied. 
Oh, look at me instead. 

[Exit all. 

Eunice enters, is detained a moment by Harney, and comes 

forward. 

Eun. Dolphin! 

Dolphin appears at the door. 

Dol. Why, how you look, child! What has happened? 

Eun. My mother! Oh, my mother! 

Dol. Is she sick? 

Eun. Worse than that. Dolphin; it's the captain. 

Dol. Now I always said he would have a shock. 

Eun. No, no, it's Captain Titu;. 

Dol. Has he had a shock? 

Eun. She will marry him. Dolphin. 

Dol. Why, you silly child, of course she will marry him. 
I knew that the first time I ever saw them together; and no 
wonder, either, with him enticing her along, and her old 
daft father, who ought to know better, clapping her on be- 
hind. Not that she needed urging, either; I warrant you she 
had her head over the bars long before the captain got there 
with the halter. — Lord's sake! what am I saying? She is 
your mother, child, and that settles it. 

Eun. But think, to marry such a mannered man 
And sty him in the house, to be called father! 
A low adventurer, a sneaking fellow. 
So plainly visible that I, a girl, 
Can at the window of his mind look in 
And see the villain there — to marry him! 



ACT SIXTH 57 

She shall not do it! I will poison him 

And drown myself — she shall not marry him! 

Dol. The land's sake! who ever saw you like this? 

Eun. After this night you never see me more. 

Dol. Be quiet, child; your cheeks are flaming. 

Eun. He touched it once, but never shall again. 
No, not while life lasts and so near at hand 
An ocean heaves for the disconsolate. 
If he had set a burning iron on it 
I could forgive him — fire is purity; 
But his foul greeting on that crimson spot, 
It is dishonor — I will answer it! 

Dol. Run yourself weary; it's the only way. 

Eiin. Before my blood cools, I will answer it! 

Dol. I know that temper well — your grandfather's. 

Eun. How could he harbor him.^ How could he. Dol- 
phin? 

Dol. No one can tell; sea-folks will bunk together.- 

Eun. He embraced me like one bought and paid for. 

Dol. Well, never mind it, child; you were not sold. 

Eun. It is not for myself, but Oh, my mother! 
How has she purchased a long misery 
With a short happiness, if such it be. 
Oh, Dolphin, were I in my mother's place. 
Think you, a man should ever warm my heart 
With the poor scatterings of his better days. 
Or rake the embers of old courtships up 
Into a blaze for me? 

Dol. We women do strange things. 

Eun. Is it too late? Will no one counsel her? 

Dol. Why should they counsel her? 

Eun. Is it all hopeless? Is all comfort cold? 
You used to take me to you like a mother. 
More than my mother did, when I was young. 
Then I was free; no care had hung its weights 
And set its minutes beating in my heart. 
And yet how often you would comfort me! 
Now I have many, more than I can bear, 
And now I need you — can you nothing say? 
For on kind words sorrow lies patiently. 

Dol. The land's sake! child, I can't control your mother. 
Her father could not, nor your father neither. 



58 THE CLERKS OF KITTERY 

Whether the captain can must yet be seen. 
She married first against her father's wish. 
She had her will against the old man's zvon't, 
And whether he says will or won't, she zvill. 

Eun. I am alone, I see I am alone. 
I must find strength and comfort in myself. 
Not grafted from another — well, I will. 

Dol. What are you saying.^ 

Eun. Nothing, nothing, Dolphin. 

I know you are right and I am in the wrong, 
But right or wrong you well may pity me. 

Enter Luella. 

Luel. With all my heart, Eunice, I pity you. 

Eun. Thank heaven, you will be free. 

Luel. So may you also. 

Eun. How should that happen.^ 

Luel. Let me whisper it. 

Eun. Luella, hush! never speak that again. 

Luel. Give him a chance and he will speak instead. 

Eun. He shall not so tempt me, nor I tempt him. 

Dol. What secret are you two girls chattering.'' 

Luel. The greatest secret, Dolphin, in the world. 
If you will keep it, you shall have It to keep. 

Dol. I promise you. I love a secret. 

Luel. My aunt will marry Captain Titus. 

Dol. What more? That's no secret. 

Luel. They will leave here to-morrow. 

Dol. Good riddance! 

Luel. And she will leave you to watch over us. 

Dol. Oh, she will, will she.'' Is it fixed so fine.^ 

Luel. As soon as she is gone I shall go also. 

Dol. Go where you like; I am a housekeeper, 
And I will keep her house, but not her prison. 

Luel. Keep my heart, Dolphin, and my love forever. 

Dol. Keep your tongue still, is better. 

Luel. No one shall know but you and Peter. 

Dol. I warn you, beware of Peter. 

Luel. Where's the grumbler gone ? 

Eun. Look! they are quarreling. 

Luel. What are they saying, Eunice.^ Can you hear.'' 



ACT SIXTH 



59 



Eun. More noise than sense; here they all come to- 
gether. 

Enter Peter, Hale, Marlin, Harney, Clerks, Peggy, 
and several Girls. 

Pet. Not another word! I won't hear another word! 

Hale. Listen to me, Peter. 

Har. I say, Peter - 

Mar. Look here, Peter — 

Clerks. Peter — Peter — ■ 

Pet. You young loafers get about your own business; go 
to work; I want to do my chores. [He begins to split wood. 

Hale. I will pay you well, Peter. 

Pet. Do you think you can bribe me, you young squirt .'' 
I know my duty. 

Hale. But wait! I have something to tell you. 

Pet. Hands off! look out for this axe! 

Luel. What is it, Frank.? 

Hale. Luella, we must not wait; we must go now. 

Luel. What! with no hat, no clothes, no anything! 

Hale. Better to leave so than not leave at all. 
Old Peter has turned traitor. 

Pet. Don't you dare to call me a traitor. 

Hale. An old meddler, then — how is that.-* 

Luel. Hush! hush! You won't tell on me, Peter. 

Pet. Tell on ye? Of course I'll tell on ye; never saw two 
such fools since I went over the free line into breeches. Wait 
till you're growed up. 

Luel. Peter, you'll die of hardening of the heart. 

Pet. I shall die of a shock if I die of anything. 

Luel. You shall die any old way you choose, Peter, 
Only just don't betray my confidence. 

Pet. No, you would rather I should betray the cap'n's 
confidence, and your aunt's confidence. I use others as 
others use me; your aunt has trusted me — I shall return 
trust with trust. 

Luel. And faith with faith? 

Pet. And faith with faith. 

Luel. And truth with truth? 

Pet. And truth with truth. 

Luel. And a lie with a lie? 



6o THE CLERKS OF KITTERY 

Pet. And a lie with the toe of my boot! I never could 
abide a liar. 

Luel. You never could abide a traitor, either, 
Yet such you must be to surrender me. 
It is all well to answer good with good. 
But not to answer evil with an evil. 
If my aunt trusted you to do a wrong 
Should you do wrong because she trusted you."* 
Do not do so. I never wronged you, Peter. 

Pet. Thunderation! who says I wronged any oncf* 

Luel. You would wrong me if you told on me, Peter. 

Pet. No I wouldn't, neither. 

Luel. Would it be right? And how would it be right.'' 

Pet. Not another word will I speak. 

Luel. Then listen to my argument. 

Pet. I know what is right and what is wrong and no one 
shall argue me out of it. God speaks to man, but the devil 
argues with him. 

Luel. Will you not hear to reason } 

Pet. All the reasons I ever heard for anything were always 
on the wrong side. [He sets a stick on the block. 

Luel. What is your guide then, Peter? 

[Marlin substitutes a knot. 

Pet. My common sense; I swear by my common sense. 
I can settle any question by common sense as easy as I 
can split this stick. — {He strikes) — - Damn it! 

Mar. That's common sense, Peter. 

Luel. Oh, let me show you what is common sense. 
Suppose you were a soldier standing guard — 

Pet. I was a soldier — no need of supposing it. 

Luel. Well, when you were a soldier standing guard, 
Did you stand guard against the enemy. 
Or against friends? Of course, the enemy. 
But, Peter, how am I your enemy? 
Or what harm follows if you pass me free? 
And what if love, this lovely summer night. 
Slips through the lines, 'tis nothing; if you post 
A sentry over every sentinel, 
Still love will find a way into the camp. 

Pet. If love finds a way in I'll find it a way out. I'm on 
guard to-night. 

Luel. Peter, remember old times, what you were. 



ACT SIXTH 6i 

Have you not told me, that before the war, 

When you were young and strong and venturesome, 

You helped the niggers — well, the slaves, I mean — 

Across the line? — well, Peter, I'm a slave; 

Not to the lash, but to the teaching whip. 

Unless you help me to my liberty. 

Sure I shall die, run through with a French verb. 

Or knocked upon the head with German nouns. 

Oh, Peter, I'm a slave and nothing less. 

And never, never, will the soldiers come 

To break my bondage, as your comrades did. 

If I would be free I must free myself. 

I am like some poor wanderer of old time, 

Who has run far, and knocks upon your door. 

And for your greeting, though you scowl at me 

Black as a cannon, you are empty, Peter. 

You are just fooling, as you used to do 

When I was little — your own little girl, 

You used to call me when you fondled me; 

And sure you never could betray me now, 

Or send me back into Virginia, 

Among those dreadful people, like a slave! 

You could not do it! You would not, would you, Peter .^ 

Pet. No, by thunder! damned if I will! 

Luel. Oh, Juba! tra-la-la! I'll kiss you, Peter. 
So here's an end to cranky lexicons. 
To schooling faces and professors who 
Look down upon us like outseasoned birds. 
Perched in the torn nest of antiquity. 
And here's for womanhood and liberty. 
For a free life — 

Hale. For love and happiness. 

Luel. I would not say that, with you standing by. 

Hale. I will stand by to-morrow when you say it. 

Luel. Then you shall say it first. 

Hale. Give me the chance, 

And all I ask is, that you second me. 
To-morrow will be fair; this veering blast 
Tells that the Canso fury is at rest. 
And look, Luella, how the fleecy waves 
Come flocking to the shore like lambs at play. 
So shall our days, numbered with golden hours, 



62 THE CLERKS OF KITTERY 

One by one flood with love's recompense. 

Pet. You two better be moving along afore I change my 
mind; it's a-turning now. 

Luel. What harm are we two doing? 

Pet. I have to spit when any one-talks sentiment. 

Dol. Clear out of here, all of you! 

Luel. We will go, Peter; you shall have your way. 

Pet. And don't you come back again, neither. 

Luel. Not to-night, but sometime, Peter. 
I shall remember you, with a grateful heart, 
A thousand thousand times. Good night — good-bye! 

Dol. Good-bye! 

Luel. Good-bye, Peter! 

Dol. Don't pester him. 

Luel. Good-bye, Peter! 

Pet. Good-bye! 

[Exit all except Peter; as Dolphin withdraws she slams 
the door; it flies open again; Peter kicks it to, and 
resumes work on the knot. 



ACT VII. 

Scene. — Captain Lannon's house and grounds adjoining. 
A carriage at the door. 

Enter Jane and Annette. 

Jane. Oh, let me get a breath of air. 

Ann. Are they married yet? 

Jane. They are at it now, good riddance to them both. I 
shall soon be mistress here again. 

Ann. Who will rule that family, Jane, the master or the 
mistress.'' 

Jane. I think she will make a good master and he a good 
mistress. Lord, who ever before heard of a man trying to 
teach a woman her household duties? 

Ann. I could- endure to have him teach me, I think. 

Jane. Well, I could teach your teacher; yes, I drilled 
him with a broom handle. 

Ann. Let him go, in the good Lord's name, as long as he 
takes her; I am a-weary of waiting on her. 

Jane. Let her wait on herself, I say; let her flounce her 
own flounces. 

Ann. She has kept me in a flutter around her all the after- 
noon, like a bird a-building a nest. 

Jane. A crow's nest, I should call it. 

Ann. First it was, My fan. Annette! my fan! Look here, 
look there, look everywhere! And what do you think? She was 
a-pointing with it. And then her handkerchief. Be quick, 
Annette! be quick, quick, quick! discover it! And all the time 
she was holding it in her hand, flirting her face, like this. 
Oh, preserve me from such service hereafter. I would rather 
wait on the captain, with all his impudence. He pinched me 
in the dining-room. 

Jane. The rascal! What did you do to him? 

Ann. La, Jane, what could I do? I am only a woman. 



64 THE CLERKS OF KITTERY 

fane. I am only a woman, but he never presumed on me. 

Ann. Oh, Jane, he dare not! 

Jane. I warrant you, he dare not; he has an evil eye on 
us all. 

Ann. I suppose we must forgive sailors; he is a charming 
man. 

Jane. God bless the day that charms him away from 
here. 

Ann. They are coming, Jane — look! look! 

Enter, from the house, Captain Titus and Lucretia, Cap- 
tain Lannon, a Clergyman, Peter and Dolphin. 

Titus. A glorious day, Lucretia. 

Lan. Speak up, Lucretia; a captain's wife now! a cap- 
tain's wife! 

Titus.' Back up, fellow, back up! Where are your man- 
ners? 

Luc. Ls Dolphin here.'' 

Dol. We are all here, Lucretia, and some of us has our 
senses. 

Luc. Jane and Annette, remember! Dolphin is mistress 
here until I return. 

Jane. More than one may be a mistress, I hope. 

Ann. Oh, Lord, how delighted I am to have two! 

Titus. All ready now, Lucretia. 

Luc. Good-bye, father! good-bye, all! 

Titus. We part now, Cap'n; we part, to meet again. 

Lan. All aboard! all off! Good-bye! good-bye! 

[Captain Titus, Lucretia, and the Clergyman enter 
the carriage and are driven away. 
Oh, my old heart breaks to have them go. 

Pet. I'm here, Cap'n; I shipped with ye for life. 

Lan. Oh, Peter, Peter, if v/e could sail again! 

Pet. Ay, Cap'n, we would sail again. 

Lan. And I say, Peter! 

Pel. Ay, Cap'n. 

Lan. We would keep the crew cheap! 

Pet. Ay, cheap, Cap'n, cheap, cheap. 

\Exit Captain Lannon and Peter. 

Ann. Madame, what entrees shall we serve you for din- 
ner? 



ACT SEVENTH 



65 



Dol. For dinner! I ate it hours ago. What a shame it 
is to waste half the working-day in gluttony! 

Ann. What is your name, I pray you? 

Dol. Dolphin. 

Ann. Madame Dolphin.? 

Dol. You may call me Dolphin, nothing else. 

Ann. Oh, let me call you IVIadame! you dress so fashion- 
able, in such a style! 

Dol. I thank my good fortune it fits very well, though I 
made it myself. 

Ann. All yourself, Madame! those great ruffles and all! 

Dol. All myself. 

Ann. Oh, that I could make such a one! 

Dol. Your own looks good enough for a girl. 

Ann. Oh, Madame Dolphin, you flatter me! 

Enter Hale and Harney. 

Hale. I'm pleased to see you here, Dolphin. 

Dol. How much better pleased would you be not to see 
me? 

Hale. I might see those who would please me less. 

Dol. Or more. 

Hale. Where is she. Dolphin? 

Dol. Mrs. Titus is not here. 

Hale. We know that; we watched them go. 

Dol. Do you take my advice and go also. 

Hale. So I will, and take another with me. 

Dol. The more fool you. 

Hale. Why, everything in this world was made to run 
double. 

Dol. Like you two, one fool with another. 

Hale. Come, be pleasant; tell Luella I am here. 

Ann. I'll run and tell her. [Exit. 

Jane. It would be a long time before she did that for 
me. 

Dol. It would be a long time before you deserved it; you 
drive the poor creature around worse than the old man. 

Jane. No old men for me, thank you. 

Dol. What's that? 

Jane. I say, no men for me. 

Dol. I am not so ill-looking but one offered himself. 



66 THE CLERKS OF KITTERY 

Jane. I never was so near starved 1 had to take a mean 
one. 

Dol. Starved! 'Tis something to come of a good family. 

Jane. Much better than to marry into a bad one. 

Dol. Or to serve any kind of one for wages. 

Jane. Or to serve a husband for your board. 

Enter Luella, Eunice, Annette and Peggy. 

Hale. Here is the light I live by; with your leave 
Give me a kiss; this is our wedding day. 

Luel. To-morrow will you still say, with your leave? 

Hale. To-morrow shall disclose to-morrow's secrets. 

Luel. Say, shall I take him, Eunice, on those terms? 

Hale. Answer her as my future cousin should. 

Eun. I wish I had the wisdom. 

Dol. What need of wisdom? 

Folly is the old guide of young people. 

Hale. Well, it will guide us to a wise old age. 

Dol. To the police court, more likely. 

Luel. Be easy. Dolphin; what can my guardian do. 
Except to shut poor Eunice in a cage? 

Har. And I will be the keeper of that cage. 

Dol. And you too! What would you do with it? 

Har. Open it wide. 

Dol. You would? And let her fly? 

Har. A little way, with me. 

Hale. Let's say good-bye, Luella, 
And leave him to make love in allegory. 
That youth who never durst say anything. 

Luel. I doubt he will propose by telephone. 

Hale. A might/ courage; 'tis too venturesome. 

Luel. By letter, then; were that not nobly done? 

Hale. Excellent, and dispatch it by a dove. 

Luel. So should his answer surely come again. 

Har. Aha! I had my answer long ago. 

Eun. Oh, why did you tell? 

Har. Why should a man be laughed at who can laugh? 

Eun. We two can keep a secret, anyway. 

Har. We know how to make love in allegory. 

Eun. And some by telephone. 

Har. And some bv letter. 



ACT SEVENTH 67 

Eun. It was no dove that brought it, but it came. 

Har. So did the answer, and unopened too. 

Hale. Enough! we are defeated; 'tis a vote, 

Luel. Never again will I trust innocence. 

Hale. Runs the plot deeper, or is this the end.'' 

Eun. Tempt us no further, Frank; this is the end. 

Hale. Go with us. 

Eun. No. 

Luel. We challenge you. 

Eun. No. 

Hale. What says the mute half of the fami y.^ 

Har. I have her promise and I rest content. 

Hale. Luella, here is wisdom petrified. 
He has her promise and he rests content. 
A question; if a woman pledge her word 
Against a man's word for security, 
And if he claim before maturity, 
Is not that good faith, or may she refuse.'' 
What is a promise but a pledge to pay? 
What's due to-morrow may be paid to-day. 

Eun. But not collected. 

Hale. I collected mine. 

Eun. The fruit is best that ripens on the bough. 

Hale. Behold them, watching for their fruit to fall. 

Eun. Laugh on, you cannot laugh us out of reason. 

Hale. I have laughed myself out; I know no more. 
Luella, shall we bid them now good-bye.'' 

Luel. Must we abandon them.^ Well, be it so. 
I shall go happier, knowing what I do. 
It lifts the last care; now I may confess 
I almost had turned traitor to myself 
Last night, when saddening over farewell thoughts, 
Eunice and I, these many years long past. 
Have lived together, played and schooled together, 
And on life's sunny street together walked. 
To leave her would be sorrow in itself, 
But how much more to leave her sorrowful. 
I saw her sitting here when I had gone. 
Alone, disheartened and unreconciled; 
But if she sits alone, I lose the bet; 
And if disheartened, it will happen so 
Because another has it than myself; 



68 THE CLERKS OF KITTERY 

And if unreconciled, I promise her 
No sympathy; and there my reasons rest. 
Well, Eunice, so the best of friends must part; 
Happy, who part to meet a better mate. 

Eun. No better in the world, no truer one. 

Hale. 'Tis almost time; we keep the carriage waiting. 

liar. And better so; give them the river's breadth. 

Peg. I see them first! I see them first! 

L^lel. Who is it, Peggy? 

Peg. The clergymen; I see the clergymen. 

Luel. Why, there was only one. 

Peg. There's nine. 

Enter Marlin and several Clerks. 

Hale. Shades of the buried! how a secret rolls! 

Mar. Ha! here they are! 

I CI. In time, in time! 

Mar. You see your friends; a welcome from your friends. 
What, is it fair, Luella, 
To steal away in haste of secrecy.'' 
Shall not the losers have a parting word.^ 

Luel. W'ith all my heart, but spare the compliments. 

Mar. If you will honor us with your hand, we will. 

Luel. If 'tis an honor I will double it. 

Mar. It comes too late and must be lost too soon. 
I cannot keep it; well, you know them all. 

1 CI. My regret is, you did not know me sooner. 

2 CI. My consolation is, you knew me little. 

3 a. My hope is, you will some day know me better. 

4 67. My hope, my consolation, and regret, 
Is, that I think you knew me not at all. 

Luel. I think not so; the name is Shalleberger. 

4 CI. The very name, and yet you could refuse it! 

Luel. Can you remember that you offered it.'' 

4 CI. I looked too long and spoke too little. 

Mar. There is my weakness; I am too reserved. 
Alas, my modesty! Were it not for that 
I would have gathered unto me a wife 
And risen in the service like a star. 
I fail through diffidence. No more of that! 
Hereafter, when an Opportunity 



ACT SEVENTH 69 

Comes down the pike, I'll not report it back 

To some one, who reports to some one else. 

Who orders some one to see that some one sends 

Some of these fellows strolling after it. 

I'll rise and seize it like a Hercules. 

The quickest done is often done the best. 

The faster runs the wheel the more the grist. 

Hale. The faster runs the tongue the less the sense. 

1 CI. So say we all. 

2 CI. Why, he recruited us 
On the condition he alone should talk. 

3 CI. I ask myself, why was he not born dumb.^ 
Why did not nature dam him at the source.'' 

2 CI. Mercy of providence; he would have burst. 

Luel. He has my sympathy who fights at odds. 

2 CI. I beg your pardon, do you speak of odds? 
We shall be outtalked, only ten to one. 

Mar. A single wise word kills ten foolish ones. 

2 CI. One wise word! but you never spoke so many. 

Mar. I beg you all, be silent. 
Our much-loved friends, now from our midst to part, 
I have the pleasure here to tender you 
This double token of your friends' regard, 
A purse of gold and an apology. 
This trifling present, if you measure it 
By the slight standard which the die has set 
Against its surface, shall seem slight indeed. 
Our wish is it were greater, and our hope 
That you will see the giver in the gift. 
And in a metal never tested for. 
Which we call friendship, find its value struck. 
We know the usage of formality 
Holds friendship thus unworthily expressed 
In terms of money which men barter for. 
Oh, custom does convert it into trash, 
Which never can do good to any one. 
All your life long should it lie underfoot, 
And only when you stumbled over it 
Would you remember your old friends again. 
Then let us be remembered for ourselves, 
Not for our present; let that forgotten be. 

I CI. I could have spent it in less time. 



70 THE CLERKS OF KITTERY 

2 CI. Hardly; he has talked a hole in it. 

Hale. It shall be welcome for the givers' sake, 
And friendship, which comes with it, shall remain 
To be remembered after it is gone. 
If I were eloquent, as Flasher is, 
My voice should thank you, but the words lie cold. 
All I can offer is good-will for good-will. 

Luel. And good-bye for good-bye. 

1 CI. With hopes for your return. 

2 CI. We shall be there; remember. 
Mar. Keep clear of the captain, Frank. 
Hale. Our elders have the honor of the start. 
Luel. I fear another honor is in store. 

Enter Captain Lannon a^id Peter. 

Lan. Here, here! what's going on in my grounds? 

Luel. Oh, Eunice, what shall we say.'' 

Eun. What can we say.'' 

Lan. What's going on here, I want to know. 

Luel. It's a party, grandpa. 

Lan. A hearty.^ 

Luel. A party! 

Lan. What's a tarty .^ 

Luel. Oh dear, what shall I do.^ "" 

Mar. Kidnap him. 

Luel. It's a party! grandpa, a party: a party! 

Lan. A party .^ You might have said so before. Which 
party .'' 

Luel. Republican! 

Lan. I approve ye, young men, I approve ye; come and 

meet on my grounds as often as you like, and when you get 
ready to march I'll give you a flag. Who's a-coming here? 

Enter a party of Girls. 

And welcome to you also, young women; you shall prevail 
mightily in cheering on a good cause. I'll give a gold watch 
to as many of you girls as will marry these young men — 
good boys, every one of 'em, I' 1 go bond. I shall make you 
all a little speech later on. Come, Peter, help me think it 
up. [Exit Captain Lannon and Peter. 



ACT SEVENTH 71 

Hale. We will leave you that speech for a legacy; we 
march ahead of the flag. 

Mar. I carry a prize; I am as good as married. 

1 Girl. What does it mean, Luella.^ 

2 Girl. What have we done to deserve husbands and 
gold watches? 

Luel. The husbands are to regulate the watches, and the 
watches are to regulate the husbands. I will tell you more 
about both when I see you again, if so it shall be; until then 
a long good-bye. 

2 Girl. We came to sing you off. 

Song 

Open the portals of the heart 

And send its message forth. 
Let friends he dearest when they part, 

And worth acknowledge worth. 
The fullness of the earth he thine 

Wherever thou shalt go, 
^Unclouded summer round thee shine, 

Unnumhered hlessings flow. 
Now hroken is the spell; 
We come to hid farewell. 
Because no faith the future may foretell. 

And since it must be so. 

Enter Rocket and Lagasse. 

Luel. Look there, Frank! Who is that? 

Hale. It's Rocket! some one has betrayed us! 

Har.' Who is the other? 

Mar. A Maine ofiicer; he was in the office yesterday. 

Luel. What can they do with us? 

Hale. Hush! 'tis some one else. 

[Lagasse rings the door hell. 

Jane. What is wanted, sir? 

. Rock. Is Captain Titus here? 

Jane. He left a few minutes ago. 

Rock. A few minutes? Where did he go? 

Jane. I'm not his mother. 

Lag. You maybe might be his daughter, madam. 



72 THE CLERKS OF KITTERY 

Jane. If you mean to be insulting you can dust out of 
here. 

Lag. Oh, madam, the very, very opposite. 

Jane. Then you can face about and crab it back where 
you came from; I stand for no insults from nobody. 

Lag. No, no, indeed; it is the compliment. 

Jane. None of your compliments here. I'm no plaything 
for you. 

Rock. We care nothing about you; we want the cap'n. 

Jane. Are you his friends.'' 

Rock. I should think so — eh, Larry .f' 

Lag. We help him to have justice, madam. 

Jane. He is no friend of mine, and his friends are no 
friends of mine, either; all rats from the same hole; you 
can trot for all I care. 

Rock. Are you mistress here.'' 

Jane. I am. 

Dol. She is only a servant; I am the mistress. 

Jane. I am, am I.'' Am I, then.'' 

Dol. Are you.'' You are, you are, then. 

Lag. Ah, the real mistress! You tell us where the cap- 
tain is. 

Dol. Not here, at any rate. 

Rock. Where has he gone? 

Dol. Down along. 

Lag. I tol' you so; he jump to your side. 

Rock. Just a blind; we got his carriage. 

Lag. Maybe so; maybe he keep it waiting down 
there. 

Hale That is my carriage, Rocket, and I want it. 

Rock. That's all in the game, my boy. 

Har. Why do you want the captain, Rocket.'' 

Rock. Just a little affair between him and his wife; noth- 
ing unfriendly, I hope — eh, Larry .f" 

Lag. Better not so, surely. 

Eun. Do you mean that he is married, sir.'' 

Rock. So I said, young lady. 

Eun. What shall I do.'' Tell me, Tom, what- shall 
I do.? 

Har. There is some mistake, Eunice; my father knows 
the captain well. — Do you mean, Rocket, that his wife 
is still living? 



ACT SEVENTH 73 

Rock. Fine day, Larry. 

Lag. Very fine day, lovely day. 
Rock. Cool here, and quiet. 

Lag. Very, very quiet. 
Rock. Good company. 

Lag. Very nice company. 

Hale. I suppose you can show a warrant for this tres- 
pass. 

Rock. I suppose we can, to the right party. 
Hale. Here is the right party. 

Enter Captain Lannon and Peter. 

Rock. There's our man, Larry! 

Lag. {Seizing Peter.) Stan' right still, now; stop right 
where you are. 
* Jane. Caught at last, the old villain! 

Dol. Oh, Peter, what have you done.^* 

Pet. What have I done? You tell me what I have 
done. 

Dol. Deny it, Peter! why don't you deny it? 

Pet. I deny it if I done it! if I done it I deny it! 

Lan. Let go o' that man! 

Lag. Hands off, ol' fellow! 

Lan. Let go o' my old mate! 

Lag. Stop pulling heem, you ol' fool! 

Pet. Don't you dare to shake me! 

Hale. Take care, Rocket; that is old Peter. 

Rock. Stand back, every one! Isn't this the captain? 

Hale. No more a captain than you are; he lives here by 
the landing. 

Mar. You have got the wrong right one; what you want 
is the right wrong one. 

Rock. I guess that man is all right, Larry. 

Lan. Let go o' him, damn you! 

Lag. Ees he all right? 

Lan. Hey? 

Lag. Ees he a!l right? 

Lan. Look for yourself, you half-breed idiot! o' course 
he's all white! [He pulls Peter away. 

Dol. You arrest innocent men, do you? 

Rock. It's a way we have. 



74 THE CLERKS OF KITTERY 



The carriage returns^ with Jenkins, Captain Titus, Lu- 
CRETiA, and Clergyman. 

Mar. Back again! They had a man at the depot. 

Hale. Luella, nothing shall part us now. 

Luel. No, nothing. 

Rock. Now then, Larry, hold that man! 

Lag. {Seizing the Clergyman.) Hoi' on, now! don't step 
till I step! 

Cler. What do you mean, sir? I am a clergyman. 

Jen. This is the cap'n, Larry. I just stopped that man 
on suspicion; looks like an accessory. 

Cler. I protest I am a clergyman. 

Jen. He talked like that all the way down. 

Har. I know him. Rocket; he is a clergyman at York. 

Rock. There's no warrant out; no way to hold him, Jen- 
kins. 

Jen. Let him go, Larry. 

Cler. You arrest innocent men, do you.^ 

Rock. It's a way we have. 

Titus. I appeal for help, gentlemen! I am held unlaw- 
fully! I am assaulted without a warrant! 

Luc. Help! father, help! 

Titus. Friends, will you stand by and do nothing? I 
demand assistance in the name of the law! 

Mar. In whose name. Captain? 

Titus. In the name of the law! 

Jen. Show him the warrant, Larry. 

Enter Nancy. 

Luc. Take care how you abuse my husband. I know 
there is a law somewhere to hang villains. 

Nan. Then let it hang my husband for making you his 
wife. 

Rock. Go back where you belong. I told you to stay 
behind. 

Nan. Who gave you the right to talk like a husband to 
me? 

Titus. Keep still, Nancy! for God's sake, keep still! 

Luc. Oh, it is true! it is true! 



ACT SEVENTH 75 

Lan. What, Cap'n! Cap'n! how is this! 

Nan. I'll tell you hov/ it is, old man. 

Titus. Be quiet, Nancy! I'll square everything with 
you. 

Nan. You have struck me once too often; you have 
deserted me once too often; yes, you have married once too 
often. All's over between us now; you shall be rid of me 
at last; I'll follow you no more. You shall wrestle with 
those now who will break the back of you, oh, you very 
devil under a silk hat! 

Rock. Go back now! move on! no more of your non- 
sense! 

Nan. You dare to lay hands on me, do you? 

Jen. Trundle her out, Larry. 

Lag. I am oblige of your company, madam. 

Nan. Let me see who's hiding behind that woman there. 
I thought so. Oh, I see you; new clothes, new shoes, new 
ribbons, everything new. Are you ashamed of your old 
mother.'' Come out here and be looked at. 

Jane. Let the child alone. 

Nan. Keep her if you want her; she will be an adder 
under your doorstep. Oh, you are welcome. I give you all 
that is good in her; her father there can give you the rest. 

[Exit. 

Peg. I'm going with my pa. 

Titus. Stay where you are, Peggy. Officer, I demand 
to be taken to headquarters. 

Lag. How happy our luck is, to be going your way. 

Lan. Look up, Lucretia; tell me the meaning of all this. 

Dol. He was married. Captain. 

Lan. Dolphin, did you say he was married.^ I must be 
sure of this. {Dolphin nods.) Captain Titus, I took you 
into my family, I gave you leave to fare with my daughter, 
and I lent you five hundred dollars on your parsonal note, 
because you hailed me like a friend, and showed light for 
light, and so I suspected nothing. Now tell me, Captain, 
on your word as a master, be they mistaken about ye, or 
ben't they? 

Titus. Keep him off! keep him off! 

Rock. He's deaf, Captain. 

Lan. Hey, Cap'n? 

Titus. Keep him off, I say! 



76 THE CLERKS OF KITTERY 

Lan. {Striking him with his cane.) Take that with ye! 
remember that! 

Titus. Oh, my head! The old fool has killed me. 

Rock. Back, there! back! 

Pet. Don't you dare to touch him! 

La?i. You can have him now. I'm done with him. 

Mar. He has dropped something, Rocket. 

Pet. Cap'n! Cap'n! look what he dropped! 

Lan. What is it, Peter.'' 

Pet. Your bonds! look at your bonds! 

Lan. Bonds! the villain! Give me them bonds, officer; 
them are my coupon fours. 

Jen. If they are yours, you can follow 'em. 

Lan. What does he say, Peter. ^ 

Pet. He says you must follow 'em. 

[The Officers and Captain Titus enter the carriage 
and drive azvay. 

Lan. We saw you take 'em; we know where they are. 

Pet. We know there's just twelve on 'em. 

Lan. How did he get 'em, Peter.^ 

Pet. Stole 'em! 

Lan. Hey.^ 

Pet. He stole 'em! 

Lan. They were in my chist, Peter. 

Pet. Well, they ben't there now. 

Lan. I never had nothing stole from my chist; it's safer 
than a bank. 

Pet. Yes, they break 'em sometimes. 

Lan. They make 'em.'' 

Pet. I say, they break 'em! 

Lan. Not the chlsts. 

Pet. No, the banks. 

Lan. Come into the house, Peter, where we can think it 
out. Come with your old father, Lucretia. It might have 
been too late; then crying wouldn't have helped it. 

Luc. Oh, Dolphin, what does it mean? Why are they all 
here .'* 

Dol. It's a runaway, Lucretia; better let them run. 

Luel. Forgive me, aunt Lucretia; I'm sorry for you. 

Lan. Leave her alone with me, children; we will bear 
this together. 

Luel. May I go with your consent, aunt Lucretia? 



ACT SEVENTH 77 

Luc. Go if you must; be happy if you can. 
Luel. Good-bye, aunt! good-bye! good-bye! 

[Exit Captain Lannon, Peter, Lucretia, Eunice, 
Clergyman, and Dolphin. 
Hale. Good-bye, friends! 
Luel. Good-bye, all. 
All. Good-bye. 

Song 

Open the portals of the heart 

And send its message forth. 
Let friends be dearest when they part. 

And worth acknowledge worth. 
The fullness of the earth be thine 

Wherever thou shalt go, 
Unclouded summer round thee shine, 

Uniiumbered blessings flow. 
Now broken is the spell; 
We come to bid farewell, 
Because no faith the future may foretell. 

And since it must be so. 

Though other shores thy feet have sought. 

Where'' er thy steps are gone. 
Turn kindly back and cast one thought 

To friends that thou hast known. 
And may this land that loves thee best 

Be always cherished so. 
Like homing warbler to her nest 

The ancient bough below. 
Now broken is the spell; 
We come to bid farewell, 
Because no faith the future may foretell, 

And since it must be so. 



OCT 9 ^3^^ 



